Single Malt Straight Up, On the Rocks : Not Served Here

I have burned in solitude

And burning has brought its own solace

In more quenchless burning...

Long before Jim Morrison was born, a prominent exponent of Hindi literature “Agyeya” had written a two part book “Shekhar – Ek jeevani” and from which I take the liberty to borrow the above mentioned haiku-ish piece. 

What I seek is also seeking me. For me, the solitude is what I seek and it seeks me back. I wish to end myself in solitude; I want to burn my wings down. So that I stop my flight. I do not wish to seek refuge in the sky; I do not wish to kiss the clouds and then rip them apart with my wings. I just seek solitude, in my own self. I want to burn and destroy myself. And I do burn, the color black, the smell of burning flesh, the meat. The blood within veins boils a darker shade of crimson. I can’t distinguish between my bones and the particles of ashes any more. And I burn some more…seeking solace, finding none. And I burn some more…

My mind has been numb since I saw “Rockstar”. Before I went to see the movie, I waited and read at least a dozen reviews, tweets and re-tweets and Facebook status messages just to understand everyone’s perspective. However, none of them gave me any idea about the movie. Almost everyone said Ranbir/ Rahman/ Mohit Chauhan were rockstars, only Imtiaz could have made this, and this is Imtiaz kind of cinema. Seriously? How many 3 film old directors you know who already have their “own kind” of cinema?  Amidst a lot of confused praise, there were statements of dissatisfaction as well. First half is good, second half is not, what a waste of time, Rockstar sucks, Nargis can’t act, She has no expression, Rahman’s music is confusing etc.

No amount of critical appreciation, criticism, negative comments would have stopped me from watching Rockstar and it honestly didn’t, so I went for the movie. I had read Imtiaz saying that Rockstar is a story that is waiting to be told and nothing could have stopped it, including Imtiaz himself. I couldn’t have agreed more. Its time, Hindi films needed a film where “Happy Ending” (not to be confused with Happy Endings of That Girl in Yellow Boots) is not required. It truly was depicting what Agyega wrote “In more quenchless burning”. The burning wouldn’t end, till the time life exists and life exists because of the quenchless burning. Climax of a movie is usually purging everything for the protagonists; it’s a release, its purification, its detox. Rockstar defies that. Rockstar leaves you numb. Enough to not allow you to reach to a conclusion, to take something home. As my friend Utkarsh said “Rockstar... Is like the Indian Cricket team chasing a high score in early 90's. We would move too slow and realise it too late. Everyone would depend too much on SRT (read Ranbir) who would still stand amidst the ruins and score a breath-taking 100! But we'd lose the match. And eventually, we would walk out with a choice; remember the bitter loss, or a brilliant individual performance.” 

I, for instance, had to carry both home; a marvel of story-telling along with a story which fell short of time. While there was a lot for everyone to take home, my opinion is that Imtiaz had to take 90 minutes away from the film for inexplicable reasons. The story needed those minutes, those seconds for establishing the context of many little things, artists and scenes. If I was producing the movie, I would have gladly asked Imtiaz to add those portions back which otherwise his supremely able editor Aarti Bajaj had chopped out of Rockstar. In Jab We Met, everything that Kareena or Shahid did, had a backstory and hence nothing seemed out of context. To a large extent, even in Love Aaj Kal, the parallel track of Saif n Giselle was interwoven in the Saif-Deepika track which helped in justifying a whole bunch of situations. Unfortunately, the narrative of Rockstar was a little jumbled up and therefore a lot of things did not get justified nor they reached the emotional high which was a strength in Imtiaz’s other films.

When Rumi wrote - Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and right doing there is a field. I'll meet you there. When the soul lies down in that grass the world is too full to talk about. I think formed the basis of the movie narrative. There were things which weren’t spoken about in the movie and for average film-goer (including me) it was a setback. May be because we are used to brainless films like Ready or Bodyguard, we needed it. However, director chose to leave them and that is why there is dissent that is why there is a divide between viewers. Some swooned over the movie while some just found it waste of time. Fortunately, not many people have “haan, theek hai, achchhi hai” as reaction which otherwise is a disaster of a compliment for the film maker.

The film’s life is its music. After the disastrous CWG anthem and some really bad scores, like many others I also felt that Rahman is a spent force. He was producing mediocre music and though that music became popular, it was not the music that came from his heart. The “Shehnai” piece of Swades was lost. I am so glad that he found himself back. May be a little break did some good for him. He is a musical genius and there is no doubt about it but then I think he forgot that he wanted to make music because his heart said so. From the word go, the musical pieces are out of the world. Not only he composed some of the most difficult compositions, he brought back his freshness. I don’t care if people didn't like the music or had “higher expectations” from him; Rockstar is truly Rahman’s best score till date. Music that comes from the soul. As Rumi said, Poems and lyrics are the notations for the music that we are. This music is Rahman. Each song, each composition…many layers, sub –text, intricately woven pieces and instruments and for everything that he did to this movie, Rahman deserves all the accolades.

In Phir se udd chala, listen to the guitar piece and the “duuuuuur” sung by Mohit. You would want to open your wings and fly high across the globe…crossing the mountains, rivers, meadows and oceans on your way.

Jo bhi main, though a lyrical gem…Rahman put “ya ya ya” to it and made it the anthem, the rock anthem. The journey of Ranbir is shown through this song…and all that he stands for is beautifully depicted in the lyrics and the music.

Katiya Karun – Hard core Punjabi tune with that special “ting ling ling” and Harshdeep’s magical Sufi voice makes you dance. It’s the expression of joy and freedom. That’s what was portrayed. Remember Nargis walking up the people peeing on the wall just to embarrass them. What a thought, what a shot and what an apt situation.

Kun Faya Kun. He is the best person, seeing who brings the remembrance of God in you. A lot has been written about this song but the journey of Rahman the Sufi music maestro reaches a new high here. From Piya Haji Ali to Khwaja Mere Khwaja to Kun Faya Kun, Rahman’s immense faith in religion and God has traversed hundreds of hours spent at Dargahs. For me, who does not believe in God, the magical moment when Ranbir sings “Kajra Andhera teri Jalti lau” and looks up in the sky, that was when music became the language that God understands. Since Khwaja mere Khwaja song came alive on screen, the dhikr (remembrance) has manifested itself in the form of a dance called Sama. The dervishes clad in white clothes, with their hands held up in asking towards the sky. Rumi once heard the goldbeaters in a market hammering the gold. That sound which came from the beating resembled “la ilaha ilallah”. Upon the discovery, Rumi felt the rush in his blood, the rush of finding a day to day sound which reminds you of Allah. He started spinning in the circle with his palms stretched to Allah, calling him. The Sama represents a mystical journey of man's spiritual ascent through mind and love to perfection. Turning towards the truth, the follower grows through love, deserts his ego, finds the truth and arrives at perfection. He then returns from this spiritual journey as a man who has reached maturity and a greater perfection, so as to love and to be of service to the whole of creation. Similarly, this song is a “wasilah” to reach the almighty. 

Sheher mein defines the anguish of a musician, a true blue musician. the voice of frustration. The voice of a bird struggling to spread its wings wide. I am sure Rahman must have gone through such situations in his life where morons of music have tried to teach him how to compose. Rahman retaliates with a song.

Tum Ko and Tum Ho are two sides of the same coin. Listening to Kavita Krishnamurthy after so many years and that too in such a pleasant voice…it was purely ethereal. This was another one of Rumi’s couplet -The minute I heard my first love story, I started looking for you, not knowing how blind that was. Lovers don't finally meet somewhere. They're in each other all along. 

The world has praised and wrote long notes about this new age anthem for youth. I don’t want to write anything else about this song. The guitar riffs by Orianthi Panagaris are out of the world. No wonder she has won the Breakthrough Guitarist Of The Year 2010 by Guitar international magazine. A 26 year prodigy who played guitar for Michael Jackson’s “This is it” tour, she breathed life in to the lyrics. Trust Rahman to find such gems. Sadda haq, Aithey Rakh.

There is one song in this film that may not get its due because it’s a song that evokes strange and morbid feelings in you. It’s the cry of a lover. Aur Ho. This is a gut wrenching rendition by Mohit Chauhan, a coming of age song which speaks volumes of solitude and silence. The cocoon is opening up. A life which is called dilemma. Reason is powerless in the expression of Love and as I struggle to find the reason, I fail. As I see you in life, I see life in you. I can’t isolate you from myself. I can’t distil you out. Once again, the longing for love which has defied the sense, the sense of reason. It is love. I unshackle myself to feel it. I break the barriers and just feel love. As a mark of respect for the one who thought of Love.

But the high point of the album is a song called “Nadaan Parindey”. A lyrical gem. A musical gem. The call of the wild. The call within. It’s the rewind song. Each stop of life, each incident of life. When Louis “Sachmo” Armstrong sang ‘it’s a wonderful world, little did he know that the song that is so full of life in lyrics will be understood for the pathos in the journey of a life. With Nadaan Parideny, Rahman reaches the high of Pink Floyd. It’s Raag Deepak and Raag Megh Malhar. He has reached a high which is going to be impossible for any musician to reach. This is Koh-I-Noor of the album.

All the songs will obviously fall short of every single bit of praise if I do not mention the wordsmith Irshaad Kaamil. I find it really embarrassing to write anything about this man. Holding torch to light is not exactly anyone would dare to attempt. Irshad crosses every boundary this time, plays like a child in the green pastures of feelings and emotions. He carefully looks at each plant and then plucks the right words from the trees to make a beautiful bouquet which he leaves on the ground, for us to pick. As a mark of respect, I do feel that anything written about the lyrics and Irshaad for Rockstar will only spoil the feeling. Words are a pretext, the bond is between two people cannot be seen but Irshaad walks that thin line and re-defines Rumi. His words became the language. For Mohit Chauhan, I would only say that Rahman is making you what you are, just leave it at that.

Saying all this, I would like to draw attention to what I found was required in the film. It definitely required 90 more minutes. It was a 2 hour 40 minute film when it should have been at least 4 hour long. The journey was haphazard and the sequences were hastily put. Single Malt deserves to be served ‘On the rocks’, any watered down version will kill that drink in its entirety. The mild intoxication doesn’t work for me, either I am drunk or I am not drunk. So now you know when you would add water to dad’s whiskey bottle after stealing a peg, you were committing a crime. Not of stealing but diluting the drink. This drink got diluted because of whatever reasons best known to Imtiaz. Not that the drink was not enjoyable, but it should be straight up and “on the rocks’.

My point of view

1. Ranbir’s love for music finds no justice. His attempt at college competition and talent shows needed more time. A little more humour, a little more justice.
2. We couldn’t establish if Ranbir was a hit singer or not. We don’t see him struggling, getting rejected in a painful way. His attempts were way too casual.
3. Ranbir’s equation with his family left a lot more desired. While his horny sister in law finds a conclusion towards the latter half, his brothers etc. were just ignored. Remember JWM, two bit roles were scripted for Kareena’s family and Shahid’s family. Also, the dialogues which established Shahid’s equation with his father who was never shown in the film added to the story.
4. The interaction with his cronies in college canteen and Khatala’s entry needed more drama so that another angle of personality where he trusts everyone would have come across well.
5. Nargis Fakhri as Heer needed more screen time to be established as college hoity-toity. She is shown walking around and she has not back story as a “hottest chick” in the college. That fact needed establishing a little more before Ranbir actually decides to fall for her.
6. An outstanding sequence between Nargis and Ranbir during his first introduction to her. However later, Ranbir’s reactions every time she is around or she walks by were so very forced and un-natural. Probably those were longer scenes edited due to time crunch. Ranbir, the Jatt boy, the guy who is not afraid of singing for people at bus stop suddenly goes wobbly kneed without reaching the emotional high and drama.
7. Now, many people did not like the way Nargis acted. I can understand it because it was her first movie and the role was not author backed. How she finds Ranbir’s goofy reactions funny and hence decides to confront him was weakly scripted. Why would any hot chick walk up to a Jatt boy and tell him to stop being nervous. Something didn’t sit well here.
8. Jangli Jawani sequence definitely needed justification. What a wonderful thought the whole sequence is but again time crunch made it look a little off track. The whole planning of going to a B grade adult movie in a shady theatre needed better writing. It fell short of being a milestone scene in Indian cinema.
9. The whole drinks scene also fell short of time.  Booze buying, haggling for price, shady places in the night to buy liquor, reaching home in drunken state, sneaking in respective rooms, facing family members etc. would have made this more entertaining.
10. I am personally not a fan of Bucket List and probably “List banate hain" didn’t work for me. Also, it was left mid-way somewhere so it just didn’t have any impact. Many small bucket list “tick offs” were required before Nargis asked Ranbir to come to his wedding.
11. A sequence where the two of them are travelling together to Kashmir for wedding may be by train (the baraat) or even biking to Kashmir from Delhi could have established Nargis’s family gradually accepting Ranbir as her friend. One hastily edited shopping sequence was not enough.
12. The wedding scenes I am sure were mercilessly chopped and poorly edited. From the two of them sneaking out for a bike ride in the morning to coming back and suddenly seeing Nargis in the bride avatar was haphazard. Nargis’s family is absent, groom is absent, groom’s family is absent, and bride’s friends make a single scene appearance where Janardan becomes Jordan. Why she chooses Jordan needed justification. It would have made such a wonderfully romantic backstory for the two to fall in love.
13. The two never separated from each other. While it would have been a typical filmy “Judai” scene but that separation had to come for Nargis to lose interest in her life in Prague. That separation had to come for Ranbir to feel the void of his love.
14. Ranbir was an adult in the movie and yet his family objects to his trip to Kashmir. Of all the Jatt families that I am aware of, the boys are supposed to be brattish. One of my dear friends was a Jatt (he is no more) and his scooter had a Stepney cover which read; “JAT – Just Avoid Them). Road trips in college are one of the most common things for boys, why would anybody in the family take such strong objection. How did Ranbir’s family come to know that he has gone to attend Heer’s wedding? How did they know who Heer is? Many questions unanswered here before he was thrown out of his house.
15. The whole making of “Shahar” album was also hastily wrapped up. The two music directors could have added a little more than spice to Ranbir’s frustration of singing mediocre songs and later of refusing it. One high point of an artist’s frustration was lost.
16. Shammi Kapoor needed more screen time. For him to recognise the talent of Ranbir, his only reference point was Kun Faya Kun and the gleam in Ranbir’s eyes. To establish the fact that Shammi Kapoor could recognise the latent volcano, the interaction with Ranbir was little too light. Ranbir also needed strong dialogues in the scene instead of making fun of classical music only.
17. Ranbir’s growth as a Rockstar, becoming a people’s phenomenon and such a rage is something which thoroughly lacked in the film. As a viewer, I wanted to know how he became a Casanova, why he was touted as the bad boy of music. I wanted to feel the pain; I wanted to travel with him. I wanted to attend his concerts where he was having sex with a fan backstage and police raids the place. I wanted to see him going on stage in an inebriated state, substance abuse, his groupies, his drunken stupor in which he is rattling off poetry which is beyond everyone’s understanding, his brushes with law, fights he picked up with his fans and media….but in a lot more detail than it was shown. The pathos needed build up. The peak was non-existent.
18. While he agreed to sign any contract with the music company for a trip to Prague, he never thought of going to Prague before that? Strange! The details of one sided contract could have made people feel for the artist as he signed for obscene terms in the contract.
19. When he meets Nargis in Prague, she just agrees to hang out with him without bothering to inform her family. They visit shady dance bars, they go out drinking and yet her husband or anybody from her in-laws have no reaction to it. Waiting for Ranbir to break in to her house and then let her husband realize the equation was a little unbelievable.
20. Nargis agreeing to be a volunteer at the musical event, with no connection what so ever, at the insistence of her sister in law, was another unbelievable point. Willing suspension of disbelief was suspended a little too far.
21. Another thing which I did find a little bit strange was the interval. Interval usually divides the movie in to two halves. Interval is where the high point of a film is captured so that people keep wondering what is going to happen next and they come back all charged up. The interval came after a kiss while it would have been a better moment if interval had come when Nargis collapses.
22. Second half of the film is interesting but this is the journey of the Rockstar after his real heart break and that’s when I wanted to explore the dark side of an artist. I wanted to see that Jim Morrison promise here and I found it in patches. I could not connect with scenes emotionally and I did not feel the pathos of the artist. I just was a bystander, watching him go through a phase of his life where his popularity is sky-rocketing through the roof. He seems to have immersed himself in music to avoid pain. I don’t feel the pain at any moment in this part of the journey.
23. Nargis had a sister. Unbelievable. She also had a father who comes for a dialogue or two with nothing believable in it. When Nargis wakes up from her bed and starts fighting with Ranbir, the camera couldn’t capture the drama. Again, emotions were in a limbo, and it was left to viewers to feel them, who obviously couldn’t connect.
24. The scenes where Ranbir’s magic touch has helped Nargis heal also needed more screen time for people to savour the drama. The poetic scenes were missing in the film.  When Rumi says: “Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” I want to believe it but the barriers needed to be broken and not physically but emotionally. The hug sequence, the kiss sequence needed a little more sensitivity and music to heighten the emotion to transcend to the viewers.

There are many such things which I found were required to add to the story line but when you are trying to travel light, you cannot add a sleeping bag, sweaters and jacket even though you are travelling north in the Kashmiri winter. I needed more time. I required more time. I wanted the movie to go on for another 90 minutes and hence when the end titles came on screen and the song was being played, nobody believed that the movie ended. They were glued to their seats in the hope of something magical popping out of the screen. Definitely not hoping for a happy ending but still something…difficult for people to point finger at but for me, I definitely needed more. I wanted the Rockstar to reach the zenith. To out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and right doing there is a field. Where I wanted the two of them to meet. When the soul lies down in that grass the world is too full to talk about.

While I still think that Rockstar is the best Imtiaz has been so far but because he chose a new heroine who will need to take a long journey with Imtiaz to understand the nuances of the character, it will be a while before you get another marvel from Imtiaz. Nargis is no Kareena Kapoor and this was a role that she did. She was a natural when she was exploring her wild side in the film but in emotional scenes, she needed a lot more patience, a lot more reference points to become a believable and more relatable character. She is beautiful and sexy in a new way, wish we could relate to her emotional outbursts in the similar fashion. For me, even Deepika was a lost choice when she mumbles “ye nahi hona chahiye” and “ye galat hai” after she gets married to Rahul Khanna. Nargis in emotional scenes was pretty much like that. Abrupt, random and lot less believable. She didn’t portray the role of a girl “caught on the wrong foot” when Ranbir appears at her doorstep in the night. 

The film belongs to Ranbir and nuff said about it. 

In toto, this single malt whiskey was diluted and I neither felt drunk enough nor felt sensible enough to savour the taste. Probably needed a straight up “on the rocks’ from Imtiaz.

Delhi Belly : Marketing 1 - Creative 0

Imagine this

Krishn karein to leela aur hum karein to character dheela

Replace it

Krishna karein to pyaar aur hum karein to balatkaar

Replace it

Tum pant utaro to hawa kha rahe ho, hum utarein to gaand dikha rahe ho

This is the trick that writer and UCLA graduate Akshat Verma used while writing the entire film called Delhi Belly.

Before I begin to discuss the film, let me be very clear that I want all films to work, good or bad because it is an outcome of thousands of man hours, millions of rupees and is a dream that realises for all the people who worked to bring it on screen and the people who watch it on the screen as an escapade from their otherwise mundane life. There are some really good things in Delhi Belly. Everyone in the hall was laughing at different moments and that included me. The film has raked in 27 crores in its first weekend despite of being an adult film, seems like a record breaking earnings so by commercial logic, my views have no bearing on the movie. Also, following what Jaideep Sahni says, wait till first weekend and then go out with the verdict, let the film breath. Not that my fucking reviews of the fucking hilarious film has any fucking bearing on the fucking box office collection. Aamir’s fucking got balls to pick a fucking gandu script like this and making a fucking sexy film like this. You know what I mean.

My first memory of a crime caper was Victoria No. 203 where the diamonds are hidden in a victoria or a horse carriage and the whole film is about the chase to search for diamonds with funny scenes interspersed. All of us have seen this many a times when the packet is exchanged and the diamonds or the map lands up in the hands of a unsuspected hero/ heroine and the world goes topsy-turvy with funny (mostly looking) villains go on a chase-shoot-chase kind of overdrive and some good mujras and item numbers thrown in for entertainment. Sometimes, the item girl ends up saving the hero’s life by sacrificing her own life. Then, all is well that ends in a well or rather hotel room.

 Now think of Delhi Belly objectively, and this is exactly what you get. Randomly, a packet of diamonds gets exchanged with a packet of stool and the chase begins. And? I have been trying to think hard but I can’t find anything more in the story line. So what is there in the movie? Nothing! So what happens for 96 minutes without interval? Well, something that a writer would be so proud of. He could manage a 96 minute film without interval purely on the basis of his writing! Revelation! Bollywood or Hollywood or whichever wooden brain industry you belong to, go and hire Akshat Verma, like now. Also, hire the suave director Abhinay Deo, who is as impressive as his first film “Game”. How he managed to convince Farhan and Aamir both to allow him to direct a film is a mystery even greater than the sequel of Delhi Belly. Time for some Mumbai Belly. Only gas, no shit.

I will discuss the marketing of Delhi Belly in a bit but as far as the storyline is concerned, the film is a story of diminishing utilities, in other words deduction.

1. Let’s deduct the number of actors in the film. What if we roll Imran Khan, Vir Das and Kunal Kapoor’s roles in to one and bring only Imran Khan on screen. So Imran is a journalist who moonlights as a graphic artist with the advertising agency and suffers from a bout of gastro. 
2. Let’s deduct Shehnaz Treasury (what happened to walla – case of diminishing utilities) or reduce it to just an air hostess. Would have saved the embarrassment of scenes of Imran Khan on the dining table with his in-laws. Also, as someone pointed out rightly, Tashi is a pahadi and has totally Punju parents. His in-laws continue to re-appear from Jane Tu Ya jane Na days.
3. Deduct 4 goons from Vijay Raj’s gang. One who says “Londri” for humor and one more for “more muscle” effect in the final shoot-out?
4. Deduct Paresh Ganatra (the horny landlord), his wife who worries about his frequent visits to the loo, his cop brother in law.
5. Deduct all the cuss words, unbelievable upper crust young exec, English medium school lingo spewed by the youngesters in the film with some elan. 

When all the deductions are done, what you get is a Delhi Belly. A ganster’s diamond packet is mixed up with the hero’s packet of stool test. Gangster chases hero. Hero runs. Gangster chases. Hero finally manages to take the mickey out of villain. In the end, villain defeated. Money, diamond and girl is with hero.

The reason this toilet humor didn’t sit well with me was the lack of a solid storyline and believable characters. You laugh in the film at regular intervals because humor appears at regular intervals but it is so forced that you start feeling guilty about enjoying it.

The illogical points of the film apart from Punju looking parents of TashiAamir did before the release turned the writer’s intent in to a crime. It is a fucking mother of a sexy marketing idea. Reverse snobbery. Dont use this if you think you are so and so....always works. Dont play with the switch, you will get a shock has never stopped any kid from playing with the switch.

One thing no one has been able to figure out is why the songs or promos of an adult film should run on prime time or any time on television thereby informing younger audience about the existence of film. The catchy songs and promos prompt the under-age audience to use torrents to download and watch the film. I don’t know what to say to my 12 year old daughter when she wants to watch Delhi Belly. If you recollect, when Rishi Kapoor lived in a dingy 2 room flat on the first floor of a DDA duplex in Do Dooni Chaar, he was a teacher in private school with 1 wife and 2 kids (and all 3 not working) but his house was way better than the third class, dilapidated building with a Kathak dance school, “to wash the loo, pull the chain” kind of house in which the 3 friends lived. I couldn’t figure out if the rent was 10000 (as it was demanded from the landlord as monthly fees for not letting his pictures reach his wife) or was it 10000 for Kunal and Imran as only those two agreed to use the hand of god and Vir vehemently opposed the scheme.

A part-time “hand of god” photographer, a graphic artist in an advertising agency in Delhi (office was quite plush) and a journalist in an English newspaper make decent money to live comfortably in a better place and not that shanty on the first floor. Going by the clothes Imran wears and the orange juice consumed by Vir by cartons, I am sure they could afford it too. Delhi is not as expensive as Mumbai as far as rent goes. To my further torture, the use of film roll by a photo journalist is way too archaic. The world has moved to digital cameras some eons ago. Also, with one camera – ek roll tumhare liye, ek roll mere liye, how was it possible I could not decipher till the end, when did he manage to shoot the other roll. Even though I have a secret crush on Anusha Dandekar, what was she doing in the film? Apart from that scene, her appearance in the end credit song with Aamir went un-noticed as she was almost unrecognizable.

What I fail to understand is why do our film makers have this hangover of Guy Richie or Tarantino while they create humor on gangster quirks and chase sequences? Funny camera angles, one of the heroes hanging by a neck-tie, the roof falling off etc. are almost clichéd. The language of the film is offensive to say the least in no other term. It is an absolute “No-No” to watch the film with family members. It is a highly male skewed film with great scope for convent educated people laughing at the lingo. In fact, the Lokhandwala brigade of aspiring filmi folks lapped it up as it was too pseudo to not like it. Songs had no role to play in the film (except for DK Bose) as they seem to come with a lot of afterthought and Aamir intervention.  Be it Saigal blues or any other song. I was particularly grossed out with Ja Chudai and its weird presentation.  Vir Das’s reference to blow job and oral pleasure sounded yucky to me. The willing suspension of disbelief was taken to another level.  The only songs that stuck with me were “Pencher” and the part “tere pyaar ne kar diya deewana” from I hate you.

Amitabh Bhattacharya is a much better lyricist than what he has done in this film. I would love to call him Bose DK Amitabh Bhattacharya (first time a Bengali is making fun of another Bengali). Munna Dhiman the other lyricist has nothing spectacular to his credit before this but now everyone will know him for Nakadwale disco and switty switty. The highlight of the film is the music department. Ram Sampath finally comes of age and takes a huge leap. Some of his earlier attempts were a mind-blowing thumri fusion of small budget film ‘Lets Enjoy”, a decent “Khaki”, a pathetic “Family” and equally pathetic ‘Luv ka The End”. Delhi Belly is true blue Ram sampath. Hats off for a superby creative score but that doesn’t mean that DK Bose is an acceptable songs. It should have been called Dada Kondke blues because that’s what it is.

Imran was unapologetic about what he was doing in the film and from being that goofy face he surely has grown as an actor. Though he still doesn’t look credible defending the age limit ban on liquor and the PIL filing didn’t work in favour of the film at all. Everyone raves about Vir Das and I think he is good but not the super support actor. At best, he is Rakesh Bedi. The third actor Kunal Roy Kapoor is a good find. He has the right face, frame and body structure for the funny roles. He has acted really well. Rest of the cast was immaterial. The “Londri” guy got a funny scene. Vijay Raj has done such roles a zillion times. Shehnaz was wasted and so was Rahul Singh. The only actor other than Imran and Kunal who appealed to my senses was the dusky, leggy beauty with almost meneka like qualities was Poorna Jagannathan. She has worked in “Holiwood” (sic) and this is her “Boliwood” debut. I am impressed with her screen presence and almost un-noticed quality of underplay in this over the top movie. Would like to see more of her on screen, also in different roles.

Akshat Verma the writer is the co-director of the film and has done a job which is noticed by all yet not appreciated by all. So is Abhinay deo who has done a very average job and instead of contributing to the script has decided to stick to the maha linear plot. The toilet humor of these two people is grossly revolting at times and hence does not make it a good viewing pleasure. I can dissect the “shit”/ “poop” in detail as I have been an ardent fan of “Chirkin” literature but to bring it on screen for people is something that I will always oppose. To me Delhi Belly is a "Loss" of a story teller and 'Victory" of a marketing person. A battle between creative and marketing is something that enrages me to no limit. The era of creatives is slowly losing it to marketing. The product does not offer what it should. It only offers, what marketing things it should. A Power-Point presentation is what is making the film work. It is not the soul of the film, but the body of the film which is getting appreciated. It is the victory of "Aamir" the marketeer and "Loss" of Aamir the honest film maker.

The tremors of this earthquake can be felt in the echelons of better film makers when they all are so ashamed to admit that all that they did has been poorly dissected, their films have been stalled, most of the "realistic" cinema has been canned because Censor board thought so. I am not comparing the two but Anurag Kashyap's "Paanch" will never get released because it has offensive language. Look at the irony of the situation, a Shekhar Kapoor equipped with BBC manages to get "Bandit Queen" released with "Bhenchod" as the most prominent and remembered word from the film apart from the violence. Some hypocrites we are. Its Aamir Khan's film and hence it will be released the way it should be. What disappointed me was Aamir's approach to the whole film but then I am the negligible one here and hence wont be heard.

On a completely different note, I also saw the maha popular play “All the best’ yesterday and please request all ignorant people to not confuse it with the stage version of the film “All the best”. This play is directed by Feroze Abbas Khan (he also directed a film called Gandhi My Father). A blind, a deaf and a mute guy live together and fall in love with the same girl. Trying not to let the secret of their shortcomings, they try to woo the girl. What an unbelievably funny play? This was a laugh riot from the word go. Shouldering the responsibility of acting are only 4 people: Iqbal Azad, Kranti Redkar, Vikas and Vrajesh Hirjee, the play is what a nice clean comedy is all about. No dirty dialogues, no expletives, no cuss words and nothing dirty. Last I saw it was 15 years ago in Indore and I am not ashamed to say, if you are suffering from any gastro problem, please do not watch “All the best” because of all the obvious reasons. Or let me say it this way: the only play which you can watch if you have piles problem because the play neither warrants not allows you to sit on your seat or should I say arse! What say “Mamu”?

Dum Maaro Dum : A Story Of Replacements

Since I have had the fortune of interacting with Jaideep Sahni, lyricist of DMD, at length, I will refrain myself from commenting on the title track of the film. Besides this, I have many good and a few not so good things to talk about the film. I saw the film, like an avid film-goer on first day first show, primarily because it was my first film after quitting my last job. Though I ended my previous day in a dazed state, I still listened to Pancham on my parting moment – Musafir hoon yaaron!

So what about DMD? The internet is spewing mixed reviews and results about the film. Though director Rohan Sippy with his trademark handlebar mustache and a strange sense of humor said that it grossed about Rs. 6.2 crores on the opening day and hence will have a great opening weekend. True! Abhishek’s last film “Game” was so ill placed with its release date being 1st April, a day prior to India-Sri lanka world cup final. Not that movie was any great shake to talk about. DMD on the other hand, releases when IPL is throwing surprises and barring a team or two, the tournament is strictly open for the rest.

To begin with, DMD is taut. It is tight as a screenplay. It is entertaining largely and it has some really well shot scenes and a couple of glimpses of good performances. It has Pritam’s music which is (besides the title track) really interesting and popular. The styling of film and the titles is superb and captivating. The back ground music is just fantastic and works for the film. It has Deepika Padukone doing the item number which is so sexy that the film should get A certificate only for the song. That’s about it.

In my opinion, DMD is a classic case of “Replacements”. Anybody could have done anybody’s job yet somebody was taken hoping that nobody will be able to replace them. First thing first. The film could have been directed by Rohan’s assistant as it did lack the panache and the zany feeling of Rohan that we say in Bluffmaster. Shridhar Raghavan’s story has been converted in to a strange screenplay, and could have been written by any desi James Hadley Chase. Everything in the film could have been done by anybody else and therefore has no distinct signature to it. This I think is the reason why film will not be remembered for something. The super-controversial DMD track is not by Pritam, its Pancham so they could have used the original instead.

DMD is not Bluff Master and so all the people who went to watch the movie expecting Rohan and Abhishek will be giving us another con-comic (abhi term banaya baap) movie, they are in for an almost rude shock. Bluffmaster was a clever and present day version of Paul Newman-Robert Redform starrer “The Sting”. Now those who remember Bluffmaster will remember it as a very stylish ubercool con movie with Nana Patekar stealing the limelight and Vishal Shekhar’s sexy music and a lot of mixes of the songs done by various artists. I think, Rohan was under pressure of expectations while making DMD.

In the first half, the film runs very tightly and doesn’t allow you to shift eyes from the scene. Prateik Babbar has a long way to go as far as acting is concerned. In all his films, he has the same confused expression and a half-cocky attitude which originates from nothing. I think he will take some time to realize that both Raj Babbar and Smita Patil were top of the line actors and didn’t do films for jaywalking in them. His role, while being the continuing thread, could have been done by anybody and I mean anybody. There was nothing special in him, a far cry from the role of a loner he played in Jane tu ya jane na. His bohemian streak and various colorful holiday pictures of Goa add nothing to his character. It is in this film, I came to know that India smuggles cocaine to US. Whatever happened to the Cambodian mafia and South American drug cartels? His girlfriend in an almost nonexistent role is played by Anaitha Nair whose role could have been played by anyone else too.

Then comes the role of a 6ft 3 hunk of all muscles called Rana Daggubati. While a lot of tweets and facebook statuses by girls were devoted to him, hoping him to be their arm candy, he has the looks of a star but none of an actor so far. For the lesser informed, both the grandfathers of Rana (maternal n paternal) are famous filmmakers D. Ramanaidu and Nageshwar Rao. His father is another great film producer D. Suersh Babu. Rana is also nephew of filmstars Nagarjuna and Venkatesh. So basically, this boy comes from a totally filmi family and his first film “Leader’ (with fleeting reference to Godfather) was a huge hit. He runs a VFX company and has been trained by none other than Barry John. While he was impressive in Leader as it was a writer backed role, his impressive personality was not put to good use in DMD. I have a hunch that he has more to offer than just a tall and muscular frame.

Aditya Pancholi as the villain called Biscuit, was almost like a “Chai mein dooba”. He was grossly wasted. He was almost pathetic and evoked no fear in anybody’s heart. I believe his character underwent changes due to a lot of after-thought by the writer or I can put the blame on editor who wanted to shorten the film. Biscuita missed the quirks. He did nothing to establish himself of the boss of the cartel. Otherwise a very good looking man with a unique voice quality, Aditya has done some very good roles in the past. This one was totally wasted. Again, any actor could have played the role of Biscuit.

Bipasha Basu’s job was to look sexy and she did. Again, the role is not like what she did in Ajnabi or an otherwise forgettable Corporate. It has no distinct Bipasha angle to it, except for the fact that she looks smoking hot in some of the scenes. But again, there are other girls who can play the same role and yet not get noticed. Apart from that a few forgettable characters like Govind Namdeo, Muzzamil (guy who plays Mercy and cribs about having a shitty job), the latino hottie with a delicious figure, some firang looking dope pushers, Vidya Balan (So much hullabaloo over her miniscule guest appearance) and few more forgettable characters are there in the film, and they can be present in any other film too. The worst part of trying to create an aura around the mysterious character called Barbossa just creates frustration, like any other Abhishek movie.

Now what stands out in the film are a couple of things. Abhishek’s look and intensity on screen. In certain scenes, his face filled with anger and disgust is really likeable. For a change, he has gotten rid of his hip-hop swagger and he acts like a cop. He looks and acts tough and especially in the flea market scene where he nabs the shooters swiftly. His scene while drinking with his colleagues is also impressive and some of the dialogues that he delivered were really show stealers. He looks mean in the interrogation scene. While Bluffmaster was a film made for Abhishek, DMD doesn’t do justice to Abhishek fully and barring the scenes that I mentioned above, anyone could have done the job.

The high point of the film is its music. Leave aside the title track, the song Jiye Kyun by extremely popular Assamese pop sensation Papon (Angarag Mahanta) is a worthy composition and explores the depths and baritone of Papon’s voice. I think he was recommended by the Medival Punditz who did the background score for DMD along with Karsh Kale. Papon’s album Jonaki Raati is a hit with electronic music lovers across India. This song will sustain the tests of time. The other song “Te Amo” is already popular amongst lovers and has been climbing the charts since release. Jaana Kahan is another beautiful composition by Pritam and this time for another Assamese singer Zubeen Garg. The only misfit in the whole album is a quasi hip-hop cum rap song sung by Abhishek which he incidentally lip synced in the film and hence looked totally out of sync in the movie. Story behind the maha-controversial lyrics of Mit Jaaye Gham, I hope will be unveiled some day but till that time, I would say…the guitar riffs and the break rhythm of the original part has been treated amazingly. Despite of being a hardcore Pancham fan, I think Pritam did a good job here.

The song picturised on Deepika titled “Mit Jaaye Gham” has been in news before and after the release. The song is truly something else. Krumping style of dance choreographed by Bandra boys Bosco-Ceasar and Deepika’s sexiest outfit till date designed by Anaita Shroff Adajania is something that will be remembered for a long long time. This is no Munni or Sheila but this song is pure, raw sex in your face. With this one song, Deepika has risen many ranks in the hotbods of films, especially when the Nescafe coffee commercials where she gyrates her South Indian Kundi in the most provocative and titillating way. She may turn out to be the new Zeenat Aman.

For those who dig Medival Punditz and Karsh Kale, the background music is a delight and for those who don’t, it’s time to get exposed to the masters of electronica. Such an apt background score and Goa trance played very well. Another mentionable thing here is that Amit Roy captured a new Goa in the movie, which is laced with drugs and not just the beaches where our lead actors keep frolicking, singing absurd songs in non-Goan tunes. Goa seems to be an integral part of the film and hence this one thing that remains irreplaceable.

Despite of all the issues, the film is a good entertainer. It has some really interesting conversations. The velocity of the film is worth the watch. Amazing cinematography and Rohan’s understanding of Abhishek as an actor are things to watch out for. May be Abhishek should stick to sensible directors who can do justice to his abilities and work on his shortcomings as an actor. Its time for him to realize the potential of script otherwise he will meet his “Replacement” sooner than later.

364 Pages of Pure Pancham Bliss

Circa December 1975. City Indore. The area was called Chhatribaug and the place where my parents and I were living was a 2 room house which was built in the premises of a Sai Baba temple. Apparently it was quite famous. I was 12 months old. As usual, I used to cry a lot. My dad being the super genius he was (he still is a super genius) he would peacefully take out his record player ( I forget the make and so does he) and put the record of a film sound track, not that he was listening to any other kind of music. As the needle would scratch the magnetic groove of the black vinyl, a strange sound, a strange sounding singer would belt out an even more stranger sounding sound. I would stop crying in an instant and would enjoy the music in my own way. Now don’t ask me what the ways were because I don’t remember. The song, to my surprise, was “Mehbooba Mehbooba” from Sholay, sung and composed by Pancham. This was told to me some 15-16 years later by my dad and amongst a zillion things I wish to thank him, I added one the most prominent thank you for introducing me to Pancham. Incidentally, the first movie I saw as a toddler of couple of months was another Pancham gem “Aandhi”.

So I finished reading RD Burman : The Man The Music – A book by an IIT Kharakpur grad and another one from Jadavpur university who are enjoying their corporate life as an SAP Consultant and a Banker. A couple of days back a colleague of mine, another Pancham buff Sudha Sadhanand (a person whom you can bond with over everything under the sun) called and told me about these two friends of hers. Their book on Pancham is all set to come out to the market and we should do something about the book on radio as this is a book on Pancham. I looked at Pancham’s picture which is on my desk (gifted by another friend Geetanjali). A lovely picture where he is sporting an all while ensemble including a golf cap and a red muffler looking at you intently and his hands posed in a unique way, quizzing the person looking at the picture – Dude, do you even know what you are doing?

So a lot of people like Pancham. I am biased towards Pancham. I am obsessed with Pancham. I am a borderline lunatic. Probably would have turned a stalker if he was alive. Like a whole lot, I was a part of Yahoo groups of Pancham, interacted briefly over emails with Vinay who gave the world www.panchamonline.com and also met then Punekari Ankush through the same group. Also, thinking of Pancham also makes me remember a school senior called Sunil who had a huge collection of Pancham songs in cassettes. Songs on Akashwani, and yes, my first job as a Head of Programming of an FM radio station where my Station Head Alok Purohit and I shared the same madness – Pancham. Without asking anybody and having the power to buy any music I want as Head of Programming of a music station, I painstakingly bought all the popular numbers of Pancham from the market. It was not the entire collection but it was one of the best collections with all the hits and some rare gems of Pancham. It reached to an extent that the music store I used to buy CDs from, would send me CDs that he would scout for in the wholesale market.

I have a strange love for Pancham, almost Gulzaresque. Once more, I took benefit of my position and decided to host a show on Pancham on radio. In his memory on 4th January, 2002 I was to host a 3 hour show to be broadcast at 9 pm. All the years of listening to Pancham, dad’s guidance, me and Alok singing songs before short-listing the 34 songs (I think so) we would play in the show and then amidst all the preparation, creating a sales package for the show which my dear friend Nitin Patodi went and sold to Patwa Motors of Palasia, Indore saying that we are celebrating Pancham’s birthday. My sound engineer and friend Ravi Harry and me spent 3 days to cut the show. The show started with me saying “Pancham tum nahi rahe” in a true Gulzar style and later on I went on talking about a subject which I could talk on for hours – Pancham. The show also caused anguish to some Pancham fans as I also played some of the songs which Pancham got inspired from including the song that stopped me from crying – A unique song that Ravi and I thought was a path-breaking idea where we mixed Mehbooba Mehbooba and Say You love me (Demis Rousso). It took Ravi close to 2 hours to match the chord and create a seamless song. Don’t remember clearly but there were other inspirations too which we played on my show. Prateik Sharma, an RJ then who used to work with me, claims to have the recording of the show. Looks like will have to hold him to gun point to get hold of the amateurish RJing attempt of mine.So coming back to the book.

I saw Jitesh Pillai’s tweet and Sudha’s facebook status saying that they are enjoying the book already. I was almost red and hence ran to the Landmark book store, which incidentally is in the same premises where my office is (I know, blessing in disguise). To my shock, the book hadn’t come to Landmark. I asked my team mate Shreya to call up another book store “Book Lover” to find out about the book. No luck. I was damn pissed. Jitesh went on tweeting. In the mean time, some reviews also appeared on internet. This is really not done, I thought and pinged Sudha on bbm (Blackberry messenger). She in turn called up one of the authors Balaji Vittal and complained to him. Probably 15 minutes had passed when my phone showed a couple of missed calls. I don’t usually pick calls from the numbers that I don’t have in my phone book or prefer to get an SMS from the caller before answering. For some strange reason, I called back and it was Balaji’s number. For all the right and wrong reasons, he turned out to be a very very sweet chap and was stepping out to send me the book via Blue Dart courier so that it reaches me in the morning. We spoke for some time and he said, he will call back in an hour with the details. I sent him my address as discussed. In an hour, he said, the book will be delivered to me post 12.30 tomorrow as the distributor and publisher have promised.

Next day, at around 2.05 in the afternoon, this guy from the book shop “Book Lover” was standing at the reception with my copy of the book. I also stole a glance at the person who was going to receive the other copy he was carrying. It was addressed to Vishwas Nerurkar, a man who is known as an official Hindi Film music buff and a Pancham Bhakt. In between, I joined Balaji’s list of facebook friends, and soon to the facebook page created for the book. Soon, Aniruddha also joined my list of facebook friends and I started reading the book. I have just finished reading the book. For the first time, I have read a book so carefully and lived the book with the writers. I was a part of the journey that Pancham took. I don’t understand the music the way the two gentlemen writers have written. I don’t understand the guitar riffs and Bassa Nova rhythm, or 4 X 4 progression leave alone the technical part like Komal Dha or Teevra Ni or lower Octave. I only love music the way it feels. I appreciate music because the way it is able to evoke emotions in me or any living being so beautifully. A near hypnotic effect of music has been witnessed by me when my friend Utkarsh Naithani did a music appreciation course for all me and my team where I saw individuals feeling the same emotions as the composer had felt while creating the music. Its uncanny. It was spooky but the truth is that I saw it happening to 3 different individuals with 3 different compositions. Must do it again sometime. But this book took me to all the songs that I grew up listening to. I remembered some of the most obvious and some hidden gems of Pancham.

The book is a treasure trove. For people who live on Pancham, and for people who have no idea who Pancham was. It is a meticulously written book or should I say a song with each stanza adorned with beautiful words. The best thing about the book begins when the authors dedicate the book to people Pancham worked with. I dreaded to see one name appearing in the book but the best part, the authors were thorough in their research when they wrote almost non-judgmental about Sapan Chakraborty. It is not a usual book of anecdotes and the greatness of Pancham. We all know about them. The book also shows the lazy, lethargic Panchm who trusted people a little more than required in the commercial world. While he agreed to play “Harmonica” for Lakshmikant Pyarelal, they back stabbed him in the end causing a major setback to his career and life. The books also talks about his assistants and his army of musicians leaving him.

The book is so accurate in its descriptions and I know for a fact that all the people who worship Pancham will agree to every single thing it has to say. The author duo have spent hours in talking to people who worked with Pancham, many other film music aficionados , writers, journalists and film historians but unlike all other books, this books shows Pancham in the right light. His obsession with Asha Bhonsle who probably was too commercially oriented to be with her “Bubbs” when he was going through his heart surgery or when he breathed his last. This books talks at length about many legends who gave the best creatives of their lives to Pancham – The legendary Bhanu Gupta, Manohari Singh, Basu Chakravarti, Homi Mullan, Kancha, Tony Vaz and many such artists who were the breaths that the soul called Pancham took.

At no moment, the books gets preachy or gets in to the anecdotal mode where a thousand fake stories were associated with the genius of Pancham. It deftly touches the quirks that he had like “I don’t know, I want this sound any how” and left his team to create the sound. It doesn’t talk about his idiosyncrasies at all which is a relief to people like me. For all the books that I have read in my life, especially books on great people written by some, they all are borderline worshiping bibles. Aniruddha and Balaji have managed to steer clear of the classic trap of making the man larger than the work which my opinion is a commendable achievement. But the real beauty of the book is the ease that these two authors have shown in explaining the finer nuances of Pancham’s songs. As a listener, all of us have enjoyed the wizardry that Pancham often displayed in his songs, the expectations that he would bring to his compositions, the unique treatment that he would offer in his most average songs and his crazy arrangement stories, we have enjoyed them all. The book, however, explains the journey of composition of many of Pancham gems. How he borrowed from his dad’s repertoire, how he got inspired from various tunes, how he was forced to create something similar, From ABBA to Boney M to Pink Floyd….all the influences. The book covers it all and that’s what makes the book stand apart. It fills the gap that all of us have felt.

Many Pancham fans have contributed in the making of this book, including discussions on Pancham’s yahoo group which eventually became victim of some crazy zealous people who wanted to compare Pancham to AR Rahman. Well, there is hardly any comparison between the two. Both of them are similar to share the dissimilarity in their music. AR Rahman has admitted listening to RD Burman, SD Burman and many other Hindi film composers in his growing up years (his book with Nasreen Munni Kabeer) and also accepted that as a kid he was singing Dum Maro Dum without realizing the meaning of the songs. These are two different musicians, born in two different eras and have contributed to film music in ways that nobody else did. The book, however, stays clear of comparing Pancham with any other music director and hence does not tread the path, once again proving the intent of the authors to write a clean book on Pancham, a true dedication. Hats off to Aniruddha and Balaji was being able to stay true to the core of the book, retaining the soul of the book throughout by not giving in to the cheap gimmicks many great authors have resorted to. They themselves have admitted in the “Author’s note” that there are people better qualified to write a book on Pancham but since this is not a “Mahima Mandan” of Pancham but a mere glimpse of musical journey of his and how his music has survived ages and how he is one of those composers who got his due only after he left. I truly believe in the book and the authors as there is not one single “give in” trick in the book, not even one cheap paragraph which can be used to promote the book (there are authors who wrote about sexual orientation of Mahatma Gandhi to sell the book). In the age of commercial writing, this is a herculean task but the duo carried the cross on their shoulders.



Yet, I have a complaint to make to Anirrudha Bhattacharjee and Balaji Vittal both – just 364 pages?

PS : The book makes you burst in to singing, smiling, whistling, jumping and crying almost at the same time. Read it if you are not worried about the surroundings and people around you.