Imagine this
Krishn karein to leela aur hum karein to character dheela
Replace it
Krishna karein to pyaar aur hum karein to balatkaar
Replace it
Tum pant utaro to hawa kha rahe ho, hum utarein to gaand dikha rahe ho
This is the trick that writer and UCLA graduate Akshat Verma used while writing the entire film called Delhi Belly.
Before I begin to discuss the film, let me be very clear that I want all films to work, good or bad because it is an outcome of thousands of man hours, millions of rupees and is a dream that realises for all the people who worked to bring it on screen and the people who watch it on the screen as an escapade from their otherwise mundane life. There are some really good things in Delhi Belly. Everyone in the hall was laughing at different moments and that included me. The film has raked in 27 crores in its first weekend despite of being an adult film, seems like a record breaking earnings so by commercial logic, my views have no bearing on the movie. Also, following what Jaideep Sahni says, wait till first weekend and then go out with the verdict, let the film breath. Not that my fucking reviews of the fucking hilarious film has any fucking bearing on the fucking box office collection. Aamir’s fucking got balls to pick a fucking gandu script like this and making a fucking sexy film like this. You know what I mean.
My first memory of a crime caper was Victoria No. 203 where the diamonds are hidden in a victoria or a horse carriage and the whole film is about the chase to search for diamonds with funny scenes interspersed. All of us have seen this many a times when the packet is exchanged and the diamonds or the map lands up in the hands of a unsuspected hero/ heroine and the world goes topsy-turvy with funny (mostly looking) villains go on a chase-shoot-chase kind of overdrive and some good mujras and item numbers thrown in for entertainment. Sometimes, the item girl ends up saving the hero’s life by sacrificing her own life. Then, all is well that ends in a well or rather hotel room.
Now think of Delhi Belly objectively, and this is exactly what you get. Randomly, a packet of diamonds gets exchanged with a packet of stool and the chase begins. And? I have been trying to think hard but I can’t find anything more in the story line. So what is there in the movie? Nothing! So what happens for 96 minutes without interval? Well, something that a writer would be so proud of. He could manage a 96 minute film without interval purely on the basis of his writing! Revelation! Bollywood or Hollywood or whichever wooden brain industry you belong to, go and hire Akshat Verma, like now. Also, hire the suave director Abhinay Deo, who is as impressive as his first film “Game”. How he managed to convince Farhan and Aamir both to allow him to direct a film is a mystery even greater than the sequel of Delhi Belly. Time for some Mumbai Belly. Only gas, no shit.
I will discuss the marketing of Delhi Belly in a bit but as far as the storyline is concerned, the film is a story of diminishing utilities, in other words deduction.
- Let’s deduct the number of actors in the film. What if we roll Imran Khan, Vir Das and Kunal Kapoor’s roles in to one and bring only Imran Khan on screen. So Imran is a journalist who moonlights as a graphic artist with the advertising agency and suffers from a bout of gastro.
- Let’s deduct Shehnaz Treasury (what happened to walla – case of diminishing utilities) or reduce it to just an air hostess. Would have saved the embarrassment of scenes of Imran Khan on the dining table with his in-laws. Also, as someone pointed out rightly, Tashi is a pahadi and has totally Punju parents. His in-laws continue to re-appear from Jane Tu Ya jane Na days.
- Deduct 4 goons from Vijay Raj’s gang. One who says “Londri” for humor and one more for “more muscle” effect in the final shoot-out?
- Deduct Paresh Ganatra (the horny landlord), his wife who worries about his frequent visits to the loo, his cop brother in law.
- Deduct all the cuss words, unbelievable upper crust young exec, English medium school lingo spewed by the youngesters in the film with some elan.
When all the deductions are done, what you get is a Delhi Belly. A ganster’s diamond packet is mixed up with the hero’s packet of stool test. Gangster chases hero. Hero runs. Gangster chases. Hero finally manages to take the mickey out of villain. In the end, villain defeated. Money, diamond and girl is with hero.
The reason this toilet humor didn’t sit well with me was the lack of a solid storyline and believable characters. You laugh in the film at regular intervals because humor appears at regular intervals but it is so forced that you start feeling guilty about enjoying it.
The illogical points of the film apart from Punju looking parents of TashiAamir did before the release turned the writer’s intent in to a crime. It is a fucking mother of a sexy marketing idea. Reverse snobbery. Dont use this if you think you are so and so....always works. Dont play with the switch, you will get a shock has never stopped any kid from playing with the switch.
One thing no one has been able to figure out is why the songs or promos of an adult film should run on prime time or any time on television thereby informing younger audience about the existence of film. The catchy songs and promos prompt the under-age audience to use torrents to download and watch the film. I don’t know what to say to my 12 year old daughter when she wants to watch Delhi Belly. If you recollect, when Rishi Kapoor lived in a dingy 2 room flat on the first floor of a DDA duplex in Do Dooni Chaar, he was a teacher in private school with 1 wife and 2 kids (and all 3 not working) but his house was way better than the third class, dilapidated building with a Kathak dance school, “to wash the loo, pull the chain” kind of house in which the 3 friends lived. I couldn’t figure out if the rent was 10000 (as it was demanded from the landlord as monthly fees for not letting his pictures reach his wife) or was it 10000 for Kunal and Imran as only those two agreed to use the hand of god and Vir vehemently opposed the scheme.
A part-time “hand of god” photographer, a graphic artist in an advertising agency in Delhi (office was quite plush) and a journalist in an English newspaper make decent money to live comfortably in a better place and not that shanty on the first floor. Going by the clothes Imran wears and the orange juice consumed by Vir by cartons, I am sure they could afford it too. Delhi is not as expensive as Mumbai as far as rent goes. To my further torture, the use of film roll by a photo journalist is way too archaic. The world has moved to digital cameras some eons ago. Also, with one camera – ek roll tumhare liye, ek roll mere liye, how was it possible I could not decipher till the end, when did he manage to shoot the other roll. Even though I have a secret crush on Anusha Dandekar, what was she doing in the film? Apart from that scene, her appearance in the end credit song with Aamir went un-noticed as she was almost unrecognizable.
What I fail to understand is why do our film makers have this hangover of Guy Richie or Tarantino while they create humor on gangster quirks and chase sequences? Funny camera angles, one of the heroes hanging by a neck-tie, the roof falling off etc. are almost clichéd. The language of the film is offensive to say the least in no other term. It is an absolute “No-No” to watch the film with family members. It is a highly male skewed film with great scope for convent educated people laughing at the lingo. In fact, the Lokhandwala brigade of aspiring filmi folks lapped it up as it was too pseudo to not like it. Songs had no role to play in the film (except for DK Bose) as they seem to come with a lot of afterthought and Aamir intervention. Be it Saigal blues or any other song. I was particularly grossed out with Ja Chudai and its weird presentation. Vir Das’s reference to blow job and oral pleasure sounded yucky to me. The willing suspension of disbelief was taken to another level. The only songs that stuck with me were “Pencher” and the part “tere pyaar ne kar diya deewana” from I hate you.
Amitabh Bhattacharya is a much better lyricist than what he has done in this film. I would love to call him Bose DK Amitabh Bhattacharya (first time a Bengali is making fun of another Bengali). Munna Dhiman the other lyricist has nothing spectacular to his credit before this but now everyone will know him for Nakadwale disco and switty switty. The highlight of the film is the music department. Ram Sampath finally comes of age and takes a huge leap. Some of his earlier attempts were a mind-blowing thumri fusion of small budget film ‘Lets Enjoy”, a decent “Khaki”, a pathetic “Family” and equally pathetic ‘Luv ka The End”. Delhi Belly is true blue Ram sampath. Hats off for a superby creative score but that doesn’t mean that DK Bose is an acceptable songs. It should have been called Dada Kondke blues because that’s what it is.
Imran was unapologetic about what he was doing in the film and from being that goofy face he surely has grown as an actor. Though he still doesn’t look credible defending the age limit ban on liquor and the PIL filing didn’t work in favour of the film at all. Everyone raves about Vir Das and I think he is good but not the super support actor. At best, he is Rakesh Bedi. The third actor Kunal Roy Kapoor is a good find. He has the right face, frame and body structure for the funny roles. He has acted really well. Rest of the cast was immaterial. The “Londri” guy got a funny scene. Vijay Raj has done such roles a zillion times. Shehnaz was wasted and so was Rahul Singh. The only actor other than Imran and Kunal who appealed to my senses was the dusky, leggy beauty with almost meneka like qualities was Poorna Jagannathan. She has worked in “Holiwood” (sic) and this is her “Boliwood” debut. I am impressed with her screen presence and almost un-noticed quality of underplay in this over the top movie. Would like to see more of her on screen, also in different roles.
Akshat Verma the writer is the co-director of the film and has done a job which is noticed by all yet not appreciated by all. So is Abhinay deo who has done a very average job and instead of contributing to the script has decided to stick to the maha linear plot. The toilet humor of these two people is grossly revolting at times and hence does not make it a good viewing pleasure. I can dissect the “shit”/ “poop” in detail as I have been an ardent fan of “Chirkin” literature but to bring it on screen for people is something that I will always oppose. To me Delhi Belly is a "Loss" of a story teller and 'Victory" of a marketing person. A battle between creative and marketing is something that enrages me to no limit. The era of creatives is slowly losing it to marketing. The product does not offer what it should. It only offers, what marketing things it should. A Power-Point presentation is what is making the film work. It is not the soul of the film, but the body of the film which is getting appreciated. It is the victory of "Aamir" the marketeer and "Loss" of Aamir the honest film maker.
The tremors of this earthquake can be felt in the echelons of better film makers when they all are so ashamed to admit that all that they did has been poorly dissected, their films have been stalled, most of the "realistic" cinema has been canned because Censor board thought so. I am not comparing the two but Anurag Kashyap's "Paanch" will never get released because it has offensive language. Look at the irony of the situation, a Shekhar Kapoor equipped with BBC manages to get "Bandit Queen" released with "Bhenchod" as the most prominent and remembered word from the film apart from the violence. Some hypocrites we are. Its Aamir Khan's film and hence it will be released the way it should be. What disappointed me was Aamir's approach to the whole film but then I am the negligible one here and hence wont be heard.
On a completely different note, I also saw the maha popular play “All the best’ yesterday and please request all ignorant people to not confuse it with the stage version of the film “All the best”. This play is directed by Feroze Abbas Khan (he also directed a film called Gandhi My Father). A blind, a deaf and a mute guy live together and fall in love with the same girl. Trying not to let the secret of their shortcomings, they try to woo the girl. What an unbelievably funny play? This was a laugh riot from the word go. Shouldering the responsibility of acting are only 4 people: Iqbal Azad, Kranti Redkar, Vikas and Vrajesh Hirjee, the play is what a nice clean comedy is all about. No dirty dialogues, no expletives, no cuss words and nothing dirty. Last I saw it was 15 years ago in Indore and I am not ashamed to say, if you are suffering from any gastro problem, please do not watch “All the best” because of all the obvious reasons. Or let me say it this way: the only play which you can watch if you have piles problem because the play neither warrants not allows you to sit on your seat or should I say arse! What say “Mamu”?
