3 Reasons To Hate 3 Idiots

Last night, I went with a friend to watch 3 Idiots. First of all ours was the third row from the screen, the show timing was 9.45 and we reached at 9.30 and the movie started at 10.12…some strange co-incidences they were. All indicating to number 3 and I know my friend ace numerologist Sanjay B Jumaani will be mighty pleased because for past couple of months he has been telling me about the influence of number 3 in life and in India though honestly, I don’t believe in all this. In continuation with the trend, I was seated on a number 6 seat. So much for numerology.

Just give you a brief dope on the film. Me, my boss Nirupam and our CEO Tarun had gone to meet Vidhu Vinod Chopra for a possible tie-up of this film. That was the first time I met Vidhu in person. I don’t care about what people have to say about Vidhu, I took an instant liking for him. He was forthright, he was brutally honest and he was in love…3 qualities that can make a man or break him. He was in love with his movie. Amidst some choicest abuses that garnish the way he talks, and juggling a couple of roles at the same time, Vidhu finally made us hear the first track “All izz well”. I liked it but I wasn’t impressed but the enthusiasm Vidhu has, is infectious. He was over-excited like a child. He even claimed that this is his new “Jaadu ki jhappi” or “Gandhigiri” but is better than those two “larger than life” metaphors that he has helped create because this is a term about “believe in the self”. I could guess, see and finally feel the soul of hurt, bitter and deceived man who has managed to reach where he is only by his sheer determination, crazy ideas and being a true marketer.

Over next few weeks, I was interacting with his team, heard Zoobi Doobi next and loved it, and then after a lot of discussions, we were promoting the film left, right and center. I hadn’t met Raju or anybody else from the team all this while but Vidhu’s team from his production company. Finally, the one day, Raju, Shantanu and Swanand came to our studios and we did a 6 hour marathon session with them, connecting them to our studios and listeners in other cities and the works. I still wasn’t impressed with anything. In the mean time, they had organized a special screening of the film for BIG FM team, and as luck would have it, I was travelling and I missed it. The day I came back, the entire team was hysterical as all of them had seen it and I could sense the struggle to find the right words to describe the film.

Finally, the movie started and like all other movies that I watch, I was engrossed in no time. After the movie finished, I realized why my team had nothing to say, or were finding it difficult to express what they felt after watching the film. The reasons cannot be described, the reasons have no definition, the reasons are butt naked yet you can’t drape them in words. So, my hate for this movie grew threefold.

3 Reasons for everyone to hate 3 Idiots

Vidhu Vinod Chopra – 3 Reasons to hate this idiot
1. He has the balls of steel, they clank when he walks. He is an idiot to make films. For those who have seen his diploma film can swear by him that even in the fatichar FTII days of zilch budget diploma films, Vidhu could make a grand looking, ahead of time, visually intelligent film which would be any director and writer’s delight.
2. He wears his heart on his sleeve, feet on the ground, and head is high in the sky. In an FICCI session, he said that there are two kinds of film makers, one those who make the film and then think why they made it and the other, who think why they want to make the film and then make it. No guesses for the category in which Vidhu reigns supreme.
3. Vidhu is brutally honest creative marketer and that’s why they hate him all the same yet they come to his premieres. Rumors are that Vidhu cannot tolerate nonsense or advice from anybody else on the sets, except for himself. I am glad that he does that. From Parinda to 3 Idiots, Vidhu is a man of his own conviction.

PS : I also adore him because he was the last film maker, RD Burman worked with. When Vidhu had no money to record music for Parinda, RD recorded songs with his own money and the music of Parinda is a collector’s delight and so is the film. Much later in 1942 A Love Story, Vidhu paid his due back to RD but not before telling RD to create music instead of churning trash. Honesty paid in the music for RD despite of having Kumar Sanu as the lead singer.


Rajkumar Hirani – 3 Reasons to hate this idiot
1. One look at him and you remember his idiotic appearance in the Fevicol commercial which he did saying “Lagao lagao…zor lagao…yeh Fevicol ka majboot jod hai…tootega nahin”. He and Vidhu share the same bond. He makes movies, Vidhu does rest of the stuff and not because he is the most creative director but because he is the most honest, grounded and simple guy.
2. You can cry and laugh at the same time in his films, a feat that no other director has ever been able to achieve. Need I dwell more upon this. Nobody hates any of his characters throughout the film, even the villains are so affable that you want to hug the fellow and tell him ‘Dude, take a chill pill”…take it from Raju, he carries those jagged little pills with him everywhere.
3. He makes films based on script and story and then serve it with the right set of actors. In all 3 films that he has made, the script has made the actors and not the vice versa. Give me one character who was out of sync in any of the films, including the patients/ ward boys/ matron in Munna Bhai or Saurabh Shukla/ Abhishek Bachchan/ Golden oldies in Lage Raho.

Madhavan – 3 reasons to hate this idiot
1. Without worrying about his paunch and over-weight frame, this talented teacher or oratory skills, has traversed millions of miles from Zee TV to IMAX Wadala Premiers. He is as popular as SRK down south, but every time Maddy does a Hindi film, he amazes you with his effortless ease. Rehna Hai Tere Dil Mein to Guru and now 3 Idiots.
2. Madhavan makes you believe in the middle class, the Indian middle class. He symbolizes them and hence, you can only love Maddy even in his Villain avatar.
3. When Madhavan cries, openly or silently you heart goes out to him and you want to hold him, cry with him and yet not feel guilty about it. He has such brotherly, boy next door charm that the only thing that you want to say to him is “All izz well”.

Sharman – 3 reasons to hate to this idiot
1. With a supremely talented theatre artist mother and a once popular TV actress sister and a heart-throb of millions bother in law, you cannot go wrong. Sharman proves that he can stand tall in any film, single hero, double her, triple hero, multiple hero film.
2. All of us have had one goofy friend in school or college and we don’t mind cracking jokes at his expense because we know he won’t mind it. How many of us can take a joke on ourselves. His impeccable timings and the fluid face can make you laugh hysterically. He is Charlie Chaplin.
3. Sharman, in this film, is a true hero. He is what we call “Failure”. When he jumps off the window, your heart leaps to your throat choking you. You don’t empathize with him like you would for a Madhavan but still he is the cause your lachrymal glands work over time in that one scene.

Kareena – 3 reasons to hate this idiot
1. She is hotter than Mumbai summer. Even in those weird oversized glasses that she sports in the film, she looks edible. Even with that Rs. 200, some stone age HMT watch, a glimpse of wrist can give men enough reasons to be uncomfortable in their seats.
2. Her lip-lock in the climax is the most honest and intense kiss of all times.
3. When she rides the scooter in the end, all you ever want to do is to dream the same dream of her draped in a wedding dress, riding a scooter and instead of saree pallu from head, her taking the helmet off. The perfect Runaway Bride.

Shantanu Moitra – 3 reasons to hate this idiot
1. None of his scores have ever over powered any scene of the film. Any film so far.
2. He is truly one of the most learned and most talented yet under –utilized music directors. His scores are grammar wise so perfect that you can’t find even a single chord in the entire composition which you won’t find a reason for.
3. Jaane Nahin Denge Tujhe – Sonu’s best song till date. Behti Hawa Sa Tha Woh – Shaan’s best song till date.

Swanand Kirkire – 3 reasons to hate this idiots
1. Naache pagal stupid mann
2. Uth ja saale yhun satata hai kyun

And last but not the least
3. Baadal Awaara Tha woh….take a bow Swanand. Last time I heard someone using Baadal Awaara was Rajender Kishan Sahab in Chhaya (1961) when Talat Sahab sang “Itna tu mujhse na pyaar badha ki main ek baadal awaara”

Besides these idiots, there were Boman Irani (you can’t write anything about him, though his character had shades of J.Asthana, Dean of Medical College. Though his lisp was an amazingly accurate and his ambidextrous writing skills were a treat to watch), Mona Singh, Jaaved Jaafri and the guy who played Chatur (have no clue what his name is) who had some noteworthy performances.

The film is for sure going to be the biggest film ever for everybody associated with this film and more over for the Hindi film industry which desperately needs a hit. This movie is a Christmas present, just like when I reached I home after the movie I read that India beats Sri Lanka by 7 wickets in Kolkata ODI to clinch series while chasing a score of 317 runs…whoa!!! Double whammy!!!

I am sure that even if I say that don’t watch this movie, everyone will watch this movie. After all, we all will prove to the world that we are idiots.

Oh boy, did I forget to mention Aamir. I must be an idiot to do so…but watch him in action. I am short of words for him. Idiots have poor vocabulary you see.

Watch it if you are an idiot!!!