Paanch Ka Punch : Watch It For Kay Kay And Tejaswini

So, finally watched the infamous and controversial “Paanch” by Anurag Kashyap. It was a preview copy released by Anurag on torrent sites and I think was reduced in length by cutting the maha-controversial scenes.

Sunday 13th June, 4 am to 6.30 am. What a time to watch any movie but my insomnia never allows me to sleep for long so after crashing at 12, I peacefully woke up at 3.30 and then got hooked to watching “Paanch”.

Seriously, it was a fairly interesting movie but nowhere close to Black Friday, No Smoiking or my all time favorite Anurag Kashyap film Dev. D. Two things in the film stood out clearly. First, Kay Kay Menon. Grossly under-rated as an actor. He is more violent than most of the macho heroes and villains that we ever produced in Hindi film industry. He is cruel, brutal and has a raw power that can scare the shit out of anyone. He is not mean, he is just raw power. He is just animal. He is raw. Second actor which bowled me over was Tejaswini Kolhapure. She is convincing as a quite honestly conniving woman. The moment she entered the scene, each of the frames the equation between actors on the scene changed Her face has traces of Padmini Kolhapure yet, she is a gazillion times better than her. And to be honest, I hate Padmini for the dumb and helpless woman that she must have portrayed in one of her films that I had the misfortune of watching.

What is unique about Paanch? I am told that it borrows heavily from the life of Channel V VJ Luke Kenny and his friends. I have met Luke once in my life when he had come to our studios promoting Rock On. I doubt that he has any trace of the character that Kay Kay played. He is too simple, well spoken and humble a person as opposed to the animal Luke Morrison. I think this is one of the earliest films for Aditya Shrivastav (more prominently known as Inspector Abhijeet in one of the longest running TV series CID) , Vijay Maurya ( another favorite actor of mine – the honest cop struggling to understand the nuances of life in Mumbai Meri Jaan). The film also had Pankaj Saraswat as an actor but for the lesser informed, Pankaj Saraswat is the brain behind all Laughter Challenge shows in India and is a terrific human being. I was in for a pleasant surprise because though small, he had a powerful role and he acted really well. So that makes two people involved in the film who are known to me – Anurag himself and Pankaj.

Paanch is not cinematic excellence, or an example of how coming of age the Hindi cinema is but it is a tight and good film. Since it was Anurag’s first film, critics have been quite vociferous about shortcomings and some continuity breaks but to give it to the brave film maker, he made this film with so much of passion and even more struggle that if it was anybody else in his place, he would have bent his back and allowed Censor to edit his way through but he did not relent. Hats off to the producer Pradeep “Tutu” Sharma (Padmini Kolhapure married him and Tejaswini is his sister in law) who for some strange reason put in money on this project fully aware of the fact that the film may never see the light of the day. He also plays a cameo in the film as the honcho at music company.

The strangest part of the film, is the haunting music done by none other than Vishal Bhardwaj. Him and Anurag go a long way back that means. Sar Jhuka Khuda Hoon Main is Abbas Tyrewalla’s acidic expression on screen and makes him rise several notches above as a lyrics writer. Superb song and an equally superb composition. My favorite is “Kya Din Kya Raat” the club song shot on oomph queen Tejaswini setting the screen on fire. Ek Din sung by KK (singer KK) will haunt you to grave. The music is outstanding, but unfortunately the movie never released and hence the music despite of getting released well in advance found very little takers.

For fans of Anurag, Paanch may come across as a let down because it doesn’t have the realism of Black Friday nor has the existentialism of No Smoking or the work of art like Dev. D nor as acerbic as Gulal. But it is an honest first attempt at film making by him. Though he has come of age and grown as a professional and is making Bombay Velvet and Girl in Yellow Boots and other films as producer/ director; Paanch will be close to him. Just as a mark of respect and love we all have for Anurag for giving us the classics after classics and becoming the harbinger of change in the language of Hindi cinema, lets give him a round of applause for creating Paanch and giving us actors like Kay Kay Menon, Aditya Shrivastav, Vijay Maurya, cinematorgrapher like Nataraja Subramaniyam and yes, super talented Tejaswini Kolhapure. Oh, and by the way, I totally doted on her when she did Raja Bundela’s TV series “Mujhe Chaand Chahiye” as Varsha Vashishth – one of the rarest confident and bold women protagonists in Hindi literature. The novel was awesome and so was she.

Stop press : Tejaswini Kolhapure is married to Pankaj Saraswat! Awesome Pankaj da!

Who the fuck is Wayne Sharp and Not so petite Katrina Kaif

We are strange people in India. A couple of weeks back we just refused to accept a film which was made on huge budgets and had some really good cast and suddenly this week, we are going ballistic praising a well used and abused story which is interlaced with scenes from another international classic. What’s more, we event went ahead and compared the female protagonist of the movie to female protagonist of Indian politics. Hackneyed, aren’t we?

Saw Rajneeti finally on Sunday morning. Sherlock Homes was the last movie that I saw in theater. The promotion and cast n crew of the film were compelling enough for me to go and spend 3 hours in the theater and not doze off. Well I can’t write anything more what others haven’t written. Yes it is a semi-clever adaptation of Mahabharat and The Godfather. I say semi-clever because while some the scenes were blatant lifts, some of the scenes were under the hangover of Prakash Jha’s earlier films (the thick Bihari accent in Bhopal was unbearable to be honest) and some scenes were cleverly written, out rightly impressive.

Some of the characters of the movie were played by exceptionally brilliant actors. Manoj Vajpayee is suffering from awe-some-osis. He stands out in the smallest of roles (in Daud) to Shool (his first lead role) to Bhikhu Mhatre and now Virender Pratap Singh. Arjun Rampal was a revelation in Rock On but from the deadpan expression, to his fascinating display of Sonny Corleone in Rajneeti is like a walk of thousand miles. For Ajay Devgn (you are reading it right, he has changed his surname) this was an almost repeat role. He did look the part but not so convincing. I don’t think that he got a raw deal because the way role was defined it was superbly crafted. Nana Patekar was effortless and he played the role of ‘Brij Gopal The Advisor” perfectly. I didn’t see any seen where Prakash Jha might have had a fall out with him. He was omnipresent. The worst actor in the movie was the lady who played the role of Arjun and Ranbeer’s mother.

I don’t want to write about Ranbeer who was an amalgam of Arjun and Michael Corleone and in the post-interval scenes he stole the show. The film did justice to his acting caliber and he somehow perfectly suited the role. In years to come, he will displace Aamir Khan is what I would like to predict. Provided Aamir stops to do roles of college students.

Rajneeti brought back my original philosophy and that’s why I fell in love with Katrina in the movie. She has a strange accent in the first half of the movie and a lip surgery gone wrong (or maybe that is some reaction to the injection). Her transformation is amazing, the way she changes gears was astonishing. Her perfect Hindi speech was a revelation too. However that is not the reason why I liked her. I liked her because she was plump and had a fuller figure in the movie. This also made me realize that I may have gotten distracted with petite women in between but I am an Indian guy and prefer a girl with fuller figure. The slimmer the better doesnot work for me. Move over Deepika, I am now officially in love with Katrina Kaif. She is scorching hot. I don’t know if I will be able to survive the second screening of the movie but if I do, it will be for Katrina “not at all petite” Kaif.

Though the film was designed by writers Anjum Rajaballi and Prakash Jha by uncomplicating the complex web of a screenplay, the film belongs to a virtually unknown man called Wayne Sharp who is the music director of the film and has also done the background score. The theme music of the movie is haunting and so is the background piece which he played when Katrina’s transformation is being shown from a crying widow to a political leader who is delivery fiery speeches. I don’t know anything about this Wayne Sharp fellow. But who so ever he is..he is just brilliant. Watch the movie again for the background score….definitely not the songs…but only the background score.

Rajneeti is a delight. For the back ground score and yummy, delicious, delectable and not at all petite Katrina…Ramu…get me a tissue…I am drooling again.

Are you twisting, turning and cursing Guy Richie, Mr. Doyle?

He was born in 1887 In Beenton’s Christmas Annual in the form of a short story titled “ A Study in Scarlet”. His creator was a Scottish author and physician call Sir Arthur Conan Doyle. I think he modeled Sherlock on himself because both of them were extra ordinarily brilliant, sharp, quick witted, observant and had forensic skills to add to their eye for details. However, Arthur said that he had apprenticed with a certain Dr. Joseph Bell on whose mannerisms and working styles, the character of Homes was based. Homes lived through 4 novels and about 50+ stories and most of them are written through the perspective of his friend Dr. John H. Watson. Not only Watson is his confidant, but is also shown as a brave man with a lot of Brit sense of humor and Homes cares about him more than blood brother.

Sherlock Homes is a product that is a Guy Richie product and yet not so. For the lesser mortals, Guy Richie is now the estranged husband of pop icon and diva Madonna. For some sane ones, one of his earlier films Snatch was shamelessly and incorrectly made in to super duper flop “Fool & Final” by choreographer Ahmed Khan. I don’t know what he was thinking when he was plagiarizing Snatch. Any Indian film director doesn’t have enough dope in his head to even coming close to make the eccentric snatch. For the informed ones, this is the 4th cult classic by Guy Richie after Lock, Stock & Two Smoking Barrels, Snatch and Rock N Rolla. Let me add to the fact that Rock N Rolla is a pure trip. For those who have never done dope, can never understand the layers of the film. The film was sheer brilliance. I haven’t been able to find the right adjectives for it till date.

Coming Back to Sherlock Homes. It is a James Bondish affair. In other words, an American detective story set in early British world. For those who love Guy Richie, this film will take their love to another level. He deftly handles the settings, and he cleverly deals with the idiosyncratic characters. For someone who has got an academy award nomination for playing the role of the biggest comic in the world Charlie Chaplin, Robert Downey Jr. effortless slips in to the role of a reverse-suave Sherlock Homes. The icy and dry Brit humor which stings like a diluted Hydrochloric acid falling on the back of your hand when you are fooling around with the preparation of colored concoctions in the Chemistry lab on the pretext of identification of an Element. In the movie, Robert is in his true elements.

Sir Doyle had given quirks to Sherlock while writing it. He was also a known drug addict and yet not so. Occasionally he would humor himself by injecting himself with a special concoction that he made. In the movie, he is lazy and his mind is shown to find solace in chaos of the scattered and littered room that he lives in. He also shares his room and life with his friend Dr. John “Jude Law” Watson. For the much publicized role of Jude Law, we were all wondering what is he doing in the film but from the frame he enters the film, he begins to steal the show and stands as tall as Downey. The camaraderie is evident, the bond goes beyond the ordinary. The two of them live like hand in glove and the quick ones thrown at each other, the dry repartee, the first one to give it back wins the race and Jude Law’s affection for Downey was just out of the world. Rarely you will find this kind of equation between two actors. Finally, Hollywood finds its equivalent of Jai and Veeru. Though, I must admit I was kind of intrigued with the connection between Brad Pitt and George Clooney in Ocean series.

Sherlock Homes is a must watch for the acute observations, the beautiful British alleys and some heartwarming action which doesn’t blow your mind but keeps you on the edge. The film also promises something which I personally always endorse. There is no God, there is no spirit, there is no magic or paranormal shit, its all science. If there is God, it better be called as Science or else, I don’t subscribe to anything. The ease with which Sherlock proves that everything is just an experiment was partially convincing too. His experiment on the dog were not only hilarious but also quite simply put. We must not forget that the film was set in late 19th century/ early 20th century and most of the things like chloroform, cyanide gases, remote control, sonic triggers were almost unknown. That makes the film believable.

The one on one fight sequences in the arena with the heavily built fighter showcased Guy’s brilliance. How unique can you make an ordinary display of power and Guy is adept at doing so yet surprising everyone. Things which I need not mention are other characters, the supreme sound track, out of the world cinematography and yes, outstanding story and screenplay. However, I would be a fool to not pay my respect to the British humor thrown in at regular intervals in the dialogues. Jude and Downey’s scene when Jude introduces his girlfriend to Downey who had turned in to an almost a-social after getting dumped twice by a hottie, decides to try his detective charm on the girl. Man, what a scene? Downey and Jude steal the scene with their expressions, when the girl breaks in to tears and announces that the white mark of the ring that she wore on the finger was because she was married to someone who did not dump her but died. Awesome thought in itself. A very subtle nuance and not wasted at all.

It opened on no. 2 in US, right after Avataar which is all set to become the biggest English film released in India by doing Rs. 10 million in next 2 weeks. Sherlock may not be as big as Avataar but it surely is a worthy film where every frame says more than it hides. It is a film makers delight. I am wondering if Sir Doyle is tossing, turning and cursing Guy Richie in the grave for making a haggard and disheveled James Bond of his otherwise suave, stylish and extremely courteous Homes. Are you listening Mr. Bhagat?

Five Point Someone Vs. 3 Idiots

It looks like a Pandora’s box has been opened which in turn resembled a can of worms. Who gets the credit? Chetan : It is based on his book and so many of the scenes have been used as it is. Raj Kumar Hirani & Abhijat Joshi : They have hardly spoken against anything in their entire life and the outburst, probably taking a cue from Vidhu, was something that shocked everyone.

I am one of those who few millions who have read the book and seen the film both so let me put my point across. What Chetan missed in bringing in his book were a couple of things which I am trying to put across. Some of them may sound trivial and frivolous but for some reason I believe that they are integral to the whole controversy.

My observations :-

Characters
1. IIT became a regular engineering college not something where students across nation battle it out for admission. Five Point Someone was about GPAs of the student studying there but 3 Idiots had no such mention of GPAs.
2. Hari, Alok and Ryan became Farhan, Raju and Rancho.
3. Neha became Pia.
4. Instead of falling for Hari, Pia falls for Rancho.
5. Professor Cherian became Viru Sahastrabuddhe aka virus.
6. Chhotu, Ranchhoddas Shyamaldas Chanchad (the poser and the original) are not there in the book and Mona doesnt exist anywhere in Viru's family.
7. Pia's supposed fiancé Suhas appears mysteriously in the film.
8. There are other characters in the film which take the movie forward like the boy in the hostel, and not to mention Chatur aka silencer was such a full blown character in the film that he not only stole the lime-light but also assumed the role of narrator.
9. While Hari urf Farhan is supposed to be the narrator in the book, here everyone helps story move forward.
10. Professor Veera finds no place in the film and hence Rancho aka Ryan’s fluid mechanics machine made with Kinetic scooter also finds no mention, instead it is replaced with the idea of Virus generator.

Now the scenes

1. The ragging scene is gross in the book, as the students are supposed to sit butt naked with the cold drink bottles going up their arse. Just when some of them are doing, Ryan appears and breaks one bottle and threatens these seniors to sod off, which they do and thus saves two of his friends. The ragging scene in the film is sadly hilarious with james bond…alampanah tohfa kubool ho etc.
2. The indigenous idea of the spoon connected with electrical wires for the senior to piss on is only in the film the book somehow seem to have missed it.
3. Story of Rancho’s disappearance and then the journey of Farhan and Raju to find him was hidden in the book I presume.
4. The original Ranchhod das angle to the whole story was classy and was making fun of the education system where someone else takes the exam for you and the degree at the convocation and the photograph can all be yours.
5. The story did not have any mention of the special pen that Virus treasures and yet awards it to Rancho in the end.
6. In the book, they steal the exam papers for themselves and not for Raju.
7. Raju’s jump from the building is kept ass it is but his selection in the interview has been a journey of self realization, which has been acutely underplayed in the book.
8. Neither Mona’s marriage and her pregnancy was in the book nor was Pia’s angle of Suhas and then her becoming a runaway bride.
9. The delivery scene has been conceived originally and finds no space in the book.
10. Pia’s brother has couple of elaborate chapter in the book while in the film he finds only a couple of mentions.
11. The love making scene between Hari and Neha, and Prof. Cherian coming back, Neha’s cigarettes etc. are living in the book but not in the film.
12. Chatur’s character has been really built upon and his histrionics including the “Balatkar” scene was not in the book.
13. The 50’s setting of Raju’s house and the his mom using the same handle for scratching his father were two things which were not in the book.
14. The idea used for Farhan’s stroke just when the flight is taking off and his running away, picking up Raju, running in only Kurta etc. were not in the film.
15. Phunsuk Wangdu, the entire sub-plot is not in the book. Including the climax scene where Pia is blabbering about her surname changing to Wangdu is also not in the film.
16. Pissing on Virus’ name plate was an idea which was purely original and has no mention in the book.

Now please read the whole thing again, and think of the most hilarious scenes in the film. You will find that they were never in the book but created by Abhijat and Raju to add to the meat of the film. Cinema is a willing suspension of disbelief while book is like a mirror to life. The book had a lot of believable things while the film took to a more dramatic level with funny scenes and dialogues.

In my opinion, the film is based on the novel. The film has not been shot exactly the way novel is written. It has the writer and director’s imagination built in to it. I had posted the contract between Vidhu’s company and Chetan a couple of days back which also says that the credit will be given in a certain way as agreed and the payments will be made to Chetan as agreed. The producer went by the contract and paid him the money, giving him the credit. Why cry over the spilled milk now?

I am yet not clear about Chetan’s intention on this whole controversy. Also, he is an investment banker by profession so I am sure he understands the importance of legal agreements and sticking to the deliverables. If he had any doubt about the film not doing well, he should have put his foot down and asked for the final draft of the script before it went for filming. Another case in point is that we have read “One night at a call center” and have seen the adaptation in hello (Salman/ Katrina/ Sohail/ Arbaaz/ Amrita Arora/ Isha Koppikar/ Sharman/ Gul Panag, directed by Atul Agnihotri) and co-written (story/ screenplay) by none other than Chetan Bhagat himself. Now the fate of “Hello” is almost like a call transmission in terribly stormy weather conditions, only garbled sounds are heard.

We all are intelligent enough to realize what has made the film worth watching. The story as claimed by Chetan or Abhijat and Raju’s working on it. Leave it to you Five Point Someones and Idiots. You guys can take a call.

3 Reasons To Hate 3 Idiots

Last night, I went with a friend to watch 3 Idiots. First of all ours was the third row from the screen, the show timing was 9.45 and we reached at 9.30 and the movie started at 10.12…some strange co-incidences they were. All indicating to number 3 and I know my friend ace numerologist Sanjay B Jumaani will be mighty pleased because for past couple of months he has been telling me about the influence of number 3 in life and in India though honestly, I don’t believe in all this. In continuation with the trend, I was seated on a number 6 seat. So much for numerology.

Just give you a brief dope on the film. Me, my boss Nirupam and our CEO Tarun had gone to meet Vidhu Vinod Chopra for a possible tie-up of this film. That was the first time I met Vidhu in person. I don’t care about what people have to say about Vidhu, I took an instant liking for him. He was forthright, he was brutally honest and he was in love…3 qualities that can make a man or break him. He was in love with his movie. Amidst some choicest abuses that garnish the way he talks, and juggling a couple of roles at the same time, Vidhu finally made us hear the first track “All izz well”. I liked it but I wasn’t impressed but the enthusiasm Vidhu has, is infectious. He was over-excited like a child. He even claimed that this is his new “Jaadu ki jhappi” or “Gandhigiri” but is better than those two “larger than life” metaphors that he has helped create because this is a term about “believe in the self”. I could guess, see and finally feel the soul of hurt, bitter and deceived man who has managed to reach where he is only by his sheer determination, crazy ideas and being a true marketer.

Over next few weeks, I was interacting with his team, heard Zoobi Doobi next and loved it, and then after a lot of discussions, we were promoting the film left, right and center. I hadn’t met Raju or anybody else from the team all this while but Vidhu’s team from his production company. Finally, the one day, Raju, Shantanu and Swanand came to our studios and we did a 6 hour marathon session with them, connecting them to our studios and listeners in other cities and the works. I still wasn’t impressed with anything. In the mean time, they had organized a special screening of the film for BIG FM team, and as luck would have it, I was travelling and I missed it. The day I came back, the entire team was hysterical as all of them had seen it and I could sense the struggle to find the right words to describe the film.

Finally, the movie started and like all other movies that I watch, I was engrossed in no time. After the movie finished, I realized why my team had nothing to say, or were finding it difficult to express what they felt after watching the film. The reasons cannot be described, the reasons have no definition, the reasons are butt naked yet you can’t drape them in words. So, my hate for this movie grew threefold.

3 Reasons for everyone to hate 3 Idiots

Vidhu Vinod Chopra – 3 Reasons to hate this idiot
1. He has the balls of steel, they clank when he walks. He is an idiot to make films. For those who have seen his diploma film can swear by him that even in the fatichar FTII days of zilch budget diploma films, Vidhu could make a grand looking, ahead of time, visually intelligent film which would be any director and writer’s delight.
2. He wears his heart on his sleeve, feet on the ground, and head is high in the sky. In an FICCI session, he said that there are two kinds of film makers, one those who make the film and then think why they made it and the other, who think why they want to make the film and then make it. No guesses for the category in which Vidhu reigns supreme.
3. Vidhu is brutally honest creative marketer and that’s why they hate him all the same yet they come to his premieres. Rumors are that Vidhu cannot tolerate nonsense or advice from anybody else on the sets, except for himself. I am glad that he does that. From Parinda to 3 Idiots, Vidhu is a man of his own conviction.

PS : I also adore him because he was the last film maker, RD Burman worked with. When Vidhu had no money to record music for Parinda, RD recorded songs with his own money and the music of Parinda is a collector’s delight and so is the film. Much later in 1942 A Love Story, Vidhu paid his due back to RD but not before telling RD to create music instead of churning trash. Honesty paid in the music for RD despite of having Kumar Sanu as the lead singer.


Rajkumar Hirani – 3 Reasons to hate this idiot
1. One look at him and you remember his idiotic appearance in the Fevicol commercial which he did saying “Lagao lagao…zor lagao…yeh Fevicol ka majboot jod hai…tootega nahin”. He and Vidhu share the same bond. He makes movies, Vidhu does rest of the stuff and not because he is the most creative director but because he is the most honest, grounded and simple guy.
2. You can cry and laugh at the same time in his films, a feat that no other director has ever been able to achieve. Need I dwell more upon this. Nobody hates any of his characters throughout the film, even the villains are so affable that you want to hug the fellow and tell him ‘Dude, take a chill pill”…take it from Raju, he carries those jagged little pills with him everywhere.
3. He makes films based on script and story and then serve it with the right set of actors. In all 3 films that he has made, the script has made the actors and not the vice versa. Give me one character who was out of sync in any of the films, including the patients/ ward boys/ matron in Munna Bhai or Saurabh Shukla/ Abhishek Bachchan/ Golden oldies in Lage Raho.

Madhavan – 3 reasons to hate this idiot
1. Without worrying about his paunch and over-weight frame, this talented teacher or oratory skills, has traversed millions of miles from Zee TV to IMAX Wadala Premiers. He is as popular as SRK down south, but every time Maddy does a Hindi film, he amazes you with his effortless ease. Rehna Hai Tere Dil Mein to Guru and now 3 Idiots.
2. Madhavan makes you believe in the middle class, the Indian middle class. He symbolizes them and hence, you can only love Maddy even in his Villain avatar.
3. When Madhavan cries, openly or silently you heart goes out to him and you want to hold him, cry with him and yet not feel guilty about it. He has such brotherly, boy next door charm that the only thing that you want to say to him is “All izz well”.

Sharman – 3 reasons to hate to this idiot
1. With a supremely talented theatre artist mother and a once popular TV actress sister and a heart-throb of millions bother in law, you cannot go wrong. Sharman proves that he can stand tall in any film, single hero, double her, triple hero, multiple hero film.
2. All of us have had one goofy friend in school or college and we don’t mind cracking jokes at his expense because we know he won’t mind it. How many of us can take a joke on ourselves. His impeccable timings and the fluid face can make you laugh hysterically. He is Charlie Chaplin.
3. Sharman, in this film, is a true hero. He is what we call “Failure”. When he jumps off the window, your heart leaps to your throat choking you. You don’t empathize with him like you would for a Madhavan but still he is the cause your lachrymal glands work over time in that one scene.

Kareena – 3 reasons to hate this idiot
1. She is hotter than Mumbai summer. Even in those weird oversized glasses that she sports in the film, she looks edible. Even with that Rs. 200, some stone age HMT watch, a glimpse of wrist can give men enough reasons to be uncomfortable in their seats.
2. Her lip-lock in the climax is the most honest and intense kiss of all times.
3. When she rides the scooter in the end, all you ever want to do is to dream the same dream of her draped in a wedding dress, riding a scooter and instead of saree pallu from head, her taking the helmet off. The perfect Runaway Bride.

Shantanu Moitra – 3 reasons to hate this idiot
1. None of his scores have ever over powered any scene of the film. Any film so far.
2. He is truly one of the most learned and most talented yet under –utilized music directors. His scores are grammar wise so perfect that you can’t find even a single chord in the entire composition which you won’t find a reason for.
3. Jaane Nahin Denge Tujhe – Sonu’s best song till date. Behti Hawa Sa Tha Woh – Shaan’s best song till date.

Swanand Kirkire – 3 reasons to hate this idiots
1. Naache pagal stupid mann
2. Uth ja saale yhun satata hai kyun

And last but not the least
3. Baadal Awaara Tha woh….take a bow Swanand. Last time I heard someone using Baadal Awaara was Rajender Kishan Sahab in Chhaya (1961) when Talat Sahab sang “Itna tu mujhse na pyaar badha ki main ek baadal awaara”

Besides these idiots, there were Boman Irani (you can’t write anything about him, though his character had shades of J.Asthana, Dean of Medical College. Though his lisp was an amazingly accurate and his ambidextrous writing skills were a treat to watch), Mona Singh, Jaaved Jaafri and the guy who played Chatur (have no clue what his name is) who had some noteworthy performances.

The film is for sure going to be the biggest film ever for everybody associated with this film and more over for the Hindi film industry which desperately needs a hit. This movie is a Christmas present, just like when I reached I home after the movie I read that India beats Sri Lanka by 7 wickets in Kolkata ODI to clinch series while chasing a score of 317 runs…whoa!!! Double whammy!!!

I am sure that even if I say that don’t watch this movie, everyone will watch this movie. After all, we all will prove to the world that we are idiots.

Oh boy, did I forget to mention Aamir. I must be an idiot to do so…but watch him in action. I am short of words for him. Idiots have poor vocabulary you see.

Watch it if you are an idiot!!!

Paisa Kurbaan Hua

I think I have lost it or maybe I have become too cynical about everything. I don’t see anything good in any creation or may be what I was feeling was just so right. Its 2.30 and I have just come back from the paid preview of “Kurbaan” from Cinemax and I am still under a strange shock. I have some questions swimming in my cerebro-spinal fluid. The most prominent one is one of the eternal ones. Why?

Dostana was a blatant copy of “I now pronounce you Chuck and Larry” yet it was funny and was frothy light hearted fun. Karan’s long time assistant Tarun Mansukhani made a fundamentally funny film and adorned it with some gay overtones and Priyanka’s golden swim suit and hot pants made a kill at the box office.

Wake Up Sid was a regular affair but a sweet coming of age film with the innocence portrayed by effervescent yet lazy Ranbir Kapoor and maturity played by Konkana. Ayan Mukherjee made quite an impression with a semi-honest thought.

And then came Kurbaan, one from the Johar stable which hardly had anything Joharesque in it. Neither it was a light hearted fun film nor it was that slice of life which people have tasted at some Juncture of their life. Kurbaan made me think – Why?

Rensil D’Silva was touted as a hot shot story teller after he wrote Rang De Basanti but he is not Rakeysh Mehra. Rensil is a copy guy and unfortunately it did not show in his strangely verbose film.

Kurban is a single line story. A Muslim boy woos a Green Card holder girl to get entry to the US of A, wherein he meets his gang of terrorists which is planning a mission to bomb the subway stations, but with his Green card holder wife and yet to be born baby in toe, he has a change of heart so he sacrifices his life saving them and humanity. Yawn! I know. I felt the same.

Very few people who have seen Rang De Basasnti know that the original plot and story of the film was written by Veteran Kamlesh Pandey (he wrote the most acidic film till date “Tezaab”) and then Rensil with Rakeysh developed the screenplay and dialogues. I was one of the fortunate ones who had read it in its second draft and after reading I had said that if they can make what the script is, this will become a film which will change the language of Indian cinema. Mind you, Aamir wasn’t signed till that time.

For some reason, Karan had this faith in Rensil who wrote the screenplay of Karan’s story and directed Kurbaan. Unfortunately, the story teller had no story to tell and hence there is no “Hero’s journey” or “normal people in extra-ordinary circumstances” to save the film.

Anurag Kashyap and Nirajan Iyengar, a strange combo has written the dialogues of the film, which are genuinely forgettable. Anurag bhai, we are all your fans, what happened to you?

Saif was looking distracted in the movie, I don’t know why? He did some scenes brilliantly but the screenplay did not allow the character to evolve at all. In the beginning of the film when he starts to flirt with kareena and is sincerely wooing her, you feel delight from within and hope for a chemistry which is rarity. The screenplay weakness comes to play and all of a sudden, he turns in to a cold blooded terrorist and within a few moments also develops a dilemma. Knowing the heightened emotions in each scene is Karan’s style, this underplay failed me totally. Saif’s catharsis is funny because it is neither subtle nor over the top but it is hanging in between not being able to evoke any sympathy or hatred.

Kareena looks edible and is gorgeous to the core. Her lip locks really gives everyone goose bumps and she looks hot when she bares her back and makes love to Saif. The intimate scene was shot beautifully and erotically at the same time. Apart from that, I don’t know what she was doing in the film. Her role could have been played by any other actor and it would have made no difference. Vivek Oberoi was not required in the film. They could have made the film with any other actor and he would have delivered a better performance. He did show occasional sparks of brilliance but were not enough to sharpen his character.

Then you also have Om Puri, Kirron Kher, Nauheed Cyrusi and a lot of desi-videsi crew which had no idea of what was going on in the script. A few good things about the film are : music is outstanding though none of the songs make any impression visually so a wasted album. Cinematography was top class but had a strangely scripted film to shoot, hence even a dope head also can’t do anything about it.

I did not like the film because : Very weak story, equally weak screen play and dialogues were barely survivable. First half hour was totally wasted in establishing facts which were no use in the film ahead. Story had continuity issues and they defy logic for otherwise touted as a fairly logical film. Kareena goes back to NY to pursue her job but once they land up in NY, Kareena has never set foot on any campus to teach. The revelation that there are staunch Muslims living nearby is handled deftly but unfortunately Nauheed breaks in to this strange monologue at a crucial juncture not letting the tension build up. The amount of faith she puts in Kareena after just one dinner is an amazingly inaccurate portrayal. Even in the later half when the action heats up, Vivek Oberoi who poses as a Staunch Muslim in one or two scenes decides to take part in terrorist activities to do an expose but the transformation is handled so amateurishly that the none of the moments show the edgy side of a normal man turning terrorists. If anyone remembers Raakh done by Aamir where he decides to take revenge on his girlfriend’s rapists and how, from being a simple man to someone who wants to become a gun totting fellow. That transformation was genuinely amazing. Vivek doesn’t rise to that level because the scene was not handled cleverly.

Kurbaan is flawed. On story level, on screen play level and on narrative level too. Acting was just about ok despite of having stalwarts like Om Puri and Kirron Kher playing important roles. Music is really good and Salim Sulaiman come out with some real soulful melodies. Shukran Allah is already on the charts, the other two tracks Ali Maula and Dua are well placed in the film, yet do not evoke any emotions.

I would rate the film at 2 out of 5. Watch it once for the erotic song Rasiya, half a dozen lip locks, Kareena’s bare back and the love making scenes, for the rest you can Kurbaan your money….

Wow...Now

Some of the best tweetworld people consist of biggies like Vir Sanghvi, Rajdeep Sardesai, Barkha Dutt, Pritish Nandy, Rajeev Masand and some of the younger stars like Priyanka Chopra, Sonam Kapoor etc. I don’t want to accuse them for using twitter for promoting their work, one man who had always intrigued a zillion people all the time is a butt naked fellow in this over dressed world is Mahesh Bhatt. I have not this man one on one barring one occasion when he had come to office to talk to us. He is not a good looking person but a person who has some strange air about him. I don’t know what his sun-sign is but he displays qualities of a Sagittarian. I don’t have attitude, you have a perception problem. He is weird, some loose, over sized cotton shirt, ill fit jeans and trademark chappals. Munching something, stopping to scratch himself and his motor mouth delivers words of wisdom. I don’t know if they are his or he made them up or that’s his style where he procrastinates a lot just to form the right words but he is an entertainer and a damn good one.
A few days back he tweeted “You are lost only when you are searching something”. This man summed up one of the most complex philosophies of life in these many simple words. I realized that the world is a simple place, full of simple people, with simple thoughts, simple ambitions, simple needs and a simple way of living. Simplicity is the only way one can avoid complexities. And I saw an English film which is a simple film – The Boat That Rocked.

My knowledge of actors working in international films is genuinely low. Sometimes I struggle to remember the name of the actor whose film I had seen a couple of hours back. Ya, but if you ask me about Hindi films, I may surprise you with some really stupid idiotic trivia which has been missed by many. So I saw a film The Boat That Rocked. I saw the promo of the film which one of my colleagues Mateen had showed. It looked like a fun film and yesterday Muthu gave me the DVD, it was like a pleasant surprise. I had thought of watching the film with a friend but she had other plans so I put the plans off for Sunday morning.

The Boat That Rocked is a film in which there was not one single person whom I knew, though some faces were vaguely familiar. One of the many short-comings I have.. The fellow who directed this film has directed a couple of other comedies, light hearted films. I had seen Notting Hill and Love Actually from the list of films that he has directed. With very little expectations, I switched the DVD on, but not before getting my tumbler full of tea and a few pillows for a comfortable watch.

The film is one of the simplest linear stories I have ever seen. The story is set in 1966 when pop music and Rock N Roll were on a roll and people were going berserk over them. However, some so called purist politicians had an aversion towards it and hence broadcast of such music on radio was under scrutiny. British purists, I say. While the aam junta was dancing to those tunes, a bunch of quirky DJs joined hands to work in a radio station. Not an ordinary radio station because it was a pirate radio station, broadcasting without any legal license, that too from an ancient ship which was anchored in the middle of North Sea. The whole film is about one minister trying to shut the radio station down and on the other hand this whole bunch of DJs and other team mates trying to save the ship.

So what’s the big deal? I mean, honestly, what’s the big deal in this story? Some hazaar stories have been written where the mighty ones are trying to squeeze the poor ones and the tide of events take such a turn that the poor ones win with people supporting them and all that…blah blah blah. What is amazing about this film is that this is actually a sly “coming of age” film set in the late 60’s with music and radio station as a motif, and background.

One teenager whose mother sends him to the ship “Radio Rock” where this pirate radio station is housed to be with his Godfather so that he can learn to respect life and not waste it smoking and doing drugs. He meets us with strange DJs. One who calls himself count and does countdown. One eternal romantic breakfast host who believes in love and never goes for their fortnightly fornication sessions when the girls are brought over to the ship. Eventually he gets married to a hottie who basically uses him as a scape-goat or rather a means to an end, because she wants to move in with another hot DJ who is also on the ship. Another one is a muttonball with a body that won’t fit on a dozen barstools who is using his DJ status to bed as many women as possible and he is such a slimeball that he manages to bed the teenager’s latest crush thrice in a night and mind you it’s same night when the teenager has been hit by cupid’s arrow. The irony of the situation is that the teenager goes to the same muttonball DJ to borrow a condom just in the hope of getting lucky that night.
The characters are woven intricately and so well that none of them look out of place. A boring newsman, one afro-amercian rookie who helps in every show play crucial roles. There is one late night RJ who says probably 6 words maximum in a link on his show but has more women eating out of his hands than there are dolphins in the North Sea. Being a radio person, I could do nothing but admire the smartest link any RJ/ DJ/ VJ has ever done in his life. While the song playing is fading out, this almost mute DJ says “Wow” and the song fades out and in comes the intro of the next song where is utters the second word of his link “Now”. Boy, if only DJs across the world learn this art, radio will kill the video star and the internet star too.
When the ban is imposed on the station, Radio Rock has to off air but the owner comes up with a strategy. The last day of broadcast where the Count says good bye to everyone, there is dead air of about 10-15 seconds in which the minister starts to celebrate this ban by clinking the glasses of wine with his wife and his right hand man. But Radio Rock isn’t done and the Count comes back saying that they were joking and the whole of Britain suddenly comes alive. They decide to go against the law and continue the broadcast illegally by taking the ship in to the deeper sea.

The noose is tightened but the pirates continue to broadcast the best of rock n roll and pop hits, chartbuster after chartbuster and the nation grooves to the medium wave frequency where Radio Rock DJs are live, all through the day and night. However, the ship reaches the deeper sea and has not strength to withhold the currents of water. The ship gives up but the Radio Rock team continues to broadcast till the ship is totally submerged…just when you think that this is another Titanic moment, your heart has already started grieving and mourning the death of Radio Rock team, their listeners who have heard the coordinates of their location on radio, come to their rescue in their boats…and in the end the count comes out after the last broadcast….the movie ends with all pirate radio members saved…

It is such a simple story but told in the most unusual way. I was blown. I watched a story on radio station. For years, I have been struggling to come up with a story around radio station but firstly, Rakeysh Mehra used it in Rang De Basanti sending the nation in to frenzy, and now Richard Curtis in The Boat That Rocked has taken radio to a level which is beyond my reach. This is a salutation to the makers of the film and some really amazing actors who made my Sunday…

I might have ended up using some clichés while writing this and with my limited linguistic skills that’s all I could manage…but this film has managed more than anything…gave me a new way of looking at my movie dream…though I am too old to realize it…never the less…everything is worth is.